Thorough
by Aleeab4u
Summary: This story is based off the line "I tried to think of everything that would make this...easier." Edward ch. 5 Breaking Dawn. Follow Edward on his journey to battle his demons as he plans - and then succeeds - in giving Bella the perfect wedding night. AU
1. Chapter 1

A/N This story was one of my first attempts at fanfic. I removed it off the fanfiction site a very long time ago, but - under persuasion - have decided to re-post. I've revamped and reedited, fixed a few issues with grammar and punctuation, but otherwise it is still the same. Thorough is - and always has been - my baby. I attempted to crawl inside Edward's head and stay as canon and as true to Stephanie's character as possible. You all know how much I love Edward, lol. That being said, I have taken creative license on more than a few accounts, and my interpretation is just that - **_my_** interpretation. That made this story oddly personal to me in a way few others have, so while you may not agree with some of the places I take Edward in this story, I hope you'll keep that in mind. It is a bit tongue-in-cheek. ;-)

Thorough is completely based on this one line from Breaking Dawn - _"I tried to think of everything that would make this... easier."_ Edward, chapter 5.

I wondered just how far Edward would have gone in this quest to make things 'easier', and in wondering, this story was born. Follow him on his journey as he fights his inner demons to give Bella the wedding night many of us wish they'd had.

Rated M for some violent images and sexuality; intended for mature readers.

Disclaimer - Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just mucking around in her glorious sandbox. No copyright infringement intended or implied.

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><p><span>Chapter 1 Striving for Perfection<span>

The island is completely uninhabited, quiet. As I step from the boat, I indulge in a small moment to bask in the pure silence that cloaks my mind. The darkness, so essential for my arrival, does nothing to impede my vision as I sweep the terrain using all my senses, though I know it is hardly necessary. There is, of course, no one here. Still, I have timed my visit carefully to coincide perfectly with this hour of night. An entire century of survival instincts too deeply ingrained to be ignored governs most everything I do, now and always. Being accidentally seen by a human under the potent, tropical sun's damning rays of this island, would be a complication I hardly need.

I sigh with pleasure as my mind adjusts to the slight growth of vegetation and the minute changes in the area that have only slightly altered my memory of Isle Esme. It has been many years since my last visit, but I can see that little has changed. When Esme had - in her unassuming, gentle way - offered the use of her and Carlisle's private Island getaway for my honeymoon, I had immediately thought the idea perfect. Still, thinking and knowing are two completely different things, and with my wedding only a few short weeks away, I found myself overcome with the need to be certain. Leaving any detail to chance was certainly not my style in any circumstance, but in this instance it would have been insanity.

Who was I kidding, everything about _this_ is insanity.

I instantly force my mind to stop such a train of thought, refusing to allow self-doubt to invade my resolve. I have promised my headstrong, adorably wilful fiancé a real honeymoon, and I _will_ make good on that promise. Somehow.

Taking a deep breath, I draw in all the myriads of scents that surround me. The salty tang of ocean water, the deep musk of overgrown vegetation, and the fresher scents of new plant life that mingle erratically with the rot of those they replace. The rustle of small, nocturnal creatures and the mild buzz of busy insects blend softly with the gentle lapping of water as I once again enfold myself in the relative quiet. Over one hundred years of being constantly bombarded by the chaotic noise of every mind that finds itself in any proximity to my own can take a toll, even on me. I let the peaceful quiet soothe me, and the silence reminds me of her, refocusing my resolve.

Bella; my very reason for being. She is the warmth that has thawed my frozen heart and forever altered my once empty existence, and the one and only human immune to my talent. Her mind is something I can never truly know, and the frustration that sometimes consumes me is a bittersweet price to pay for the silence and mystery that surrounds her. A mystery I've loved unfolding, one I've come to realize is more precious simply because she is unique and never does what I expect.

Being apart from her, even for this short time, is untenably painful, but I am compelled by the powers of my fears. I must try to think of every possibility that may make things easier for us. Nothing can be left to chance, no detail can be thought of as too small. And somehow, I must find a way to believe that I can give her the one thing she has asked of me. My hesitation, my infernal doubt and lack of confidence, must be crushed. I must believe, in her, in us, and most definably in myself. I have promised her that I would _try_, but I know that I need to do more than that. I must succeed.

I moor the small boat securely to the dock, and make my way across the beach and the sand that glows ethereal and white against the dark backdrop of jungle. My senses continue to unfold, covering the small island completely, and reassuring me again that I am entirely alone. I would have been very surprised indeed if I had found the island in any other way. Only a very few entrusted caretakers ever venture onto this land, and superstitious rumours and tales ensure they do so as rarely as possible. I hesitate to even venture a guess at the sum of money that Carlisle must pay out to bribe them from their terrors. If they knew beyond their own convoluted imaginings just who – or what – they actually worked for, I am certain no monetary amount would ever be enough.

I pause at the water's edge, pleased to see how calm it is. I let it lap at my bare feet, and though it feels warm to me, my marble-hard skin has no real ability to mark temperature the way my fragile human bride will.

Free from any prying eyes, I move out into deeper water and fill three small glass vials with a speed that would make my actions nothing more than a blur to human eyes. In less than a few seconds, I have capped two and replaced them in the small case I have brought with me from the boat. One second more and I have precisely measured the temperature of the third with a speed that ensured my cool fingers would not have enough time to affect the accuracy of the result.

Assured that even to Bella's warm skin the water will feel soothing and bath-like, I quickly test the remaining vials for any bacteria levels unacceptable to be anywhere near her skin. It occurs to me that I should perhaps feel silly for taking such extremes, but no one is more aware of the terrifying fragility of my bride to be than I am. My thoughts are rampant with the inherent dangers of swimming in contaminated water. _Rashes, skin lesions, gastrointestinal contagions, eye, ear, nose, throat and urinary tract infections_; the list was frighteningly endless. I winced internally at the thought of Bella being subjected to any of these things, especially here, with Carlisle and the conveniences of modern day medicine so far away. I mentally add a few new items to my growing list of medical necessities and first aid supplies. _Antibiotics, topical ointments, antiseptic wash, bandages of varying sizes and absorbency…_ My mind plays out the list, searching for the anything I might have forgotten.

With the bacterial levels of the water registering well within the safe range, I replace all the items back in their case and head back to the sand. I have enough supplies to test the water on a daily basis for weeks and it will remain here at the house when I leave. I would need to be ingenious about my testing around Bella, not because I necessarily feel the need to be secretive, but simply because she would find my actions humorous, and no doubt tease me mercilessly for my ceaseless worries.

The thought makes me smile briefly, even as I mentally gauge the consistency and feel of the sand beneath my feet. Of course I could be walking across billions of tiny shards of razor sharp glass, and my soles would be virtually untouched. I kneel and inspect the particles more closely just to be certain. Silky fine, almost dust-like, the sand slips through my fingers in a soft waterfall effect that assures me it will not hurt her tender feet. Still, it wouldn't hurt to remind Alice to make sure she packs Bella a comfortable pair of beach sandals. Not that I believe for one second that Alice will need such reminders. My fairy-sprite of a future reading sister has probably already thought of this, and many other eventualities in any personal need that Bella may have.

That thought makes me smile again, and reminds me that I owe Alice another present. Between the wedding plans, the guest list, and many other tasks too numerous to count, my multi-talented sister deserved something special. More than capable of balancing this random thought with the more pressing immediate ones in my head, I relegate it to a back corner. My mind begins to spin through gift ideas with little concentration as I make my way to the house.

The darkness is heavier here under the growing canopies of trees, but I have no difficulty seeing my way. My eyes adjust easily, my vision better even than the predatory, nocturnal animals that currently move through the night. I unlock the door and walk through familiar rooms, flicking on lights, the action based solely on years of mimicking customary human habits and not out of need to enhance vision.

I smile as I see all the little nuances of the rooms, Esme's influence obvious in every detail. Her impeccable taste and penchant for light airy spaces is apparent throughout the entire house, and the feeling this evokes is comforting, familiar. I know that Bella will feel the same.

The furnishings are attractive, and though unnecessary to any member of my family, I feel more at ease knowing the fabrics are expensive and plush. My new bride will be comfortable no matter which room she is in.

The kitchen is complete with working appliances, once again unnecessary as anything more than props for us, but vital in every way to Bella. I check the fridge, which is currently empty, though the caretakers already have their instructions to stock it based on lists I've created from carefully watching Bella's food selections. I've also dedicated hours to the food network and cooking websites in order to learn how to prepare food. I know that I will often need to remind Bella to eat since she tends to ignore her human needs when she is with me, and the thought that I can provide nourishment for her pleases me. I likewise check the stove and microwave and even the cupboards, content to find them well stocked with dishes and cooking utensils. Everything appears clean, but I will leave instructions to have all surfaces properly sterilized just before our arrival.

The bathrooms are next on my list, and those too are well stocked with all the props required to simulate human requirements. I double check the softness of everything from towels, to washcloths, to toilet paper, cringing at the thought of anything less than silk and plush touching any inch of Bella's frighteningly delicate skin. I know she would be laughing and blushing if she had any inkling that my mind was preoccupied with such trivialities, but like all humans, she has no real concept of just how truly fragile she is.

The thought is terrifying, and I am suddenly reminded of my promise to her and the most important reason of all for this visit. I close my eyes as panic rears its ugly head in my mind. I can do everything in my power to protect her from bacteria laden water, hot sand, and jagged rocks beneath her feet. I can surround her with soft, plush furniture and towels, and buy quadruple layer, satin embossed toilet paper; _is there such a thing? I need to find out, add it to the list_. I can stock the kitchen with all her favourite foods, and ensure she eats regularly, but the one thing I cannot do is protect her completely from the only true and real danger on this island.

Me.

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><p>AN Since this has already been written, updates will be every other day. See you Friday. :-) (For those wondering, there are 10 chapters in this story.)

Aleea


	2. No Such Thing as Perfect?

A/N As promised here is chapter 2. Thank you everyone who is reading, and an extra special thanks to those who are reviewing. Your feedback has been wonderful. Keep it coming! ;o)

Aleea

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

**No Such Thing as Perfect? **

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_...the one thing I cannot do is protect her completely from the only true danger on this island._

_Me. (Thorough - chapter 1, Edward)_

_. . . . . .  
><em>

My mind instantly rebels from the thought that I am the greatest danger to Bella. It is a truth I simply cannot bear. I turn back to inane matters, and obsess over whether or not the televisions work, and whether or not we have enough spare light bulbs. I search for extra blankets, and count the number of candles that I can find, though they are absurd tasks considering the sweltering climate of the island.

To a human who was not acclimated to this weather, the high temperature would be stifling and uncomfortable. This would seem an odd choice for Bella, given she will most definitely not find the heat an easily bearable thing in comparison to Forks' constant rainy coolness. Yet the heat is oddly fitting and necessary for the honeymoon we have planned. Here, my cold, hard skin will be a welcome relief to Bella, not to mention a vital necessity if we are to accomplish the physical consummation of our wedding vows. In all my more positive thoughts and fantasies, my bride does not have chattering teeth hidden behind blue tinged lips, and her shivers are ones of pleasure and not discomfort.

Forcing my mind to stay focused on this last thought, I move into the bedroom and try to quell my growing nerves. The linens on the bed are made from the finest Egyptian cotton, the pillows and comforter filled with only the most sublime of down feathers. I've instructed the caretakers to bring packages I've had delivered to their personal home; packages that are filled with still more pillows, and the thickest, overstuffed down mattress pad I could purchase. The lofty air and down filled pad will actually help to keep her cool, wicking heat and moisture away from her skin while also providing a sumptuous softness to lay her body upon.

Closing my eyes, I draw in a deep breath that I do not require for anything more than steadying comfort and try to picture her there, her body stretched out on the softness, her skin warm beneath my hands as I move over her to cradle her in my arms.

_The form of her body morphs and shifts; undulates like waves, never quite clear in its definitions and shapes. _

I doubt my imagination is up to the task of fully envisioning her naked so I don't try, content instead to allow her secrets to be revealed to me on our wedding night. I let my fantasy take shape in other ways, striving with desperate concentration to imagine a perfect union.

_In my mind, I kiss her sweet lips and taste the warm intoxication of her breath. Gently, oh so gently, I part her legs and move between them. The layers of pillowed softness beneath her mimic a supple embrace, one so desperately necessary when my body, so hard and unyielding in contrast, moves against hers._

Silently I say every prayer known to every God known - and some that are not - that I will _not_ hurt her. Even in actions that take place only in my mind, I will not hesitate to invoke deities.

I inhale her imagined scent, pulling its perfection easily from my memory. It is the sweetest scent I have ever known, and I make it stronger in my mind because here in this fantasy there is nothing between her skin and mine. Arousal sweeps over me, raw and powerful. The desire to claim her body, to take what is finally mine, to rut like an animal, is a beast that roars within me while the call of her blood outshines it all. I feel the excitement, the carnality, consume me as the images I've never dared to contemplate before, rush over me.

Darkness penetrates the light, consuming it, consuming me.

_In my mind I watch with growing horror as my imaginary counterpart tears into Bella with fingers that clench too hard on flesh and bone with no more consistency than the sand I'd held in my palm only minutes earlier. I'm moving over her, on top of her, and with an erection less malleable than granite or steel, I invade her delicate body, tearing her, shredding skin and flesh so tender and thin it cannot possibly accommodate me and my shameful lust as I rut, taking what is mine – hard, harder. And finally, brutally, with teeth dripping venom, I tear into her delicate jugular vein, sucking and gulping, greedy and depraved._

I can almost taste her.

Real venom floods my mouth in brutal reaction to the violent fantasy playing out behind my tightly closed eyelids. I wrench myself from these sadistic yet alluring thoughts, sickened beyond belief at the part of me that is capable of envisioning them.

_This is what you are. This is what you are capable of..._

With a rabid growl, I tear my eyes open, my breath coming out in panting expulsions that have no biological basis. The depraved imaginings of my mind are so strong that for a moment I almost expect to see Bella's desiccated corpse spread out before me. If it was physically possible for my frozen body to tremble, I would. Instead, I stand frozen in place, horrified by what my mind has shown me.

I have no need to calm a racing heart. No matter the horrors I see, my stone-cold chest remains silent and still. No deep breathing exercise can carry oxygen to adrenaline soaked tissues, no need to dry palms that cannot sweat. Water cannot slake the sudden burning fire in my throat, and no amount of it splashed over the skin on my face will soothe my ragged nerves. Still, I force my body to move, and I find myself, oddly, back in the washroom. Compelled, I stare at the face in the mirror. Somehow the reflection is familiar, no leering beast glaring back at me. Just my face, familiar, but crumpled with the expression of my horror.

I run water I don't need, and I flush a toilet I will never use. I begin to make random searches through cupboards, counting cakes of soap and bottles of lotions and shampoos. All for Bella; I continue for her, soothing my mind with endless lists of things she'll need – an overabundance of items that will surely make her think I've joined ranks with Alice. Slowly, painstakingly, the searching and the lists begin to calm me, and I return to the bedroom.

The bed, with its pristine white and unruffled coverings, soothes me. What I've pictured in my mind minutes ago, perhaps somehow necessary. A final giving in to what I fear in the darkest places of my missing soul. That somehow the desire for Bella's blood that I have tempered and controlled for so long now will suddenly rage forth, mixing with my sexual desires to consume me entirely. If this happens there will be no salvation; not even the power of my venom will save her. Once I have drank my fill, her heart will be silent and immortality, be it a gift or a curse, will no longer be within my power to grant. That thought is inconceivable, life without Bella unfathomable. My mind stutters and goes almost completely blank, overwhelmed by a hard series of thoughts.

_I cannot do _this_; I cannot give Bella what she wants. It is _not_ possible. Nothing is worth this risk._

With growing dismay I leave the bedroom, and begin to fill my mind with cataloged lists of the movies Carlisle and Esme keep on hand. Countless random titles, everything from classic musicals to mainstream, current, horror flicks, all ridiculous in their idealized, macabre content. I create new lists from the first – selections I think Bella will like, movies I think she'll enjoy. I move on to books and rummage through cupboards, noting board games, decks of cards, and still more movies. Finally, the images of my gory imaginings begin to fade in the face of the mundane.

Steeling my faltering resolve, I force myself once again to return to the bedroom. I am not yet ready to tuck tail and run. I _have_ to find a way to do this.

I move around the room silent as a ghost, faster than necessary. I pause at the bedside table, and wince internally as I place an item in the top drawer. The innocuous little white bottle of sexual lubricant stands out shockingly against its backdrop of innocent black notebooks and pens. I cannot help but feel the pervert while I contemplate its placement and finally shove it to the back beneath some flowered stationary. However, I will not allow my discomfort or embarrassment to stop me from taking all aspects of Bella's comfort into consideration. My inhuman abilities at speed will ensure my blushing bride will never see its use, and I will take any action to try and ease the joining of our bodies. Pain is an inevitable factor in a human female's first time, and the thought that I will have to bear hurting Bella this way has tortured me for months. A normal, human male penis would cause pain, but my body is much less forgiving, increasing the chance of hurting her. I will need to be excruciatingly careful of my every movement, find ways to synch our bodies in acceptable rhythms so that I do not rupture or abrade her delicate, intimate parts.

No, a little embarrassment should Bella stumble across this item is worth the extra ease such a product could provide. Especially if her nervousness should prove a detriment to her bodies own natural instincts, something Emmett had brought to my attention in a surprisingly decent manner. For someone so usually lacking in tact as my brother, that conversation had been surprisingly tolerable despite the awkward subject.

"_I know you might have already considered this, Edward, but..." He'd held up the bottle he'd kept concealed in his hand._

"_Emmett, what are you...?"_

"_Here me out. I'm not trying to joke or be an ass to embarrass you." His mind had conveyed that truth, and combined with the fact that he had waited to do this until we were completely alone, I'd settled and allowed him to finish. "I know you're trying to think of everything to make this work between you and Bella; something like this could help – especially if Bella is half as nervous as you are."_

"_She's not. She trusts me implicitly." I hadn't failed to notice the sarcastic edge to my voice and neither had he, though he'd only smirked a little. _

"_Even so, human physiology is a little different than a vampire's. Your parts are going to work just fine, no matter how nervous you are, but hers might not." He held up his hand to forgo any arguing that my expression might have foretold. "I'm not insulting you, man, or saying that you won't be able to...excite her. I'm just saying..." His grin had grown, and I had been able to see and read him trying valiantly to suppress himself. "You know...that...lovemaking is..."_

_I'd rolled my eyes, and held my hand out for the bottle, sighing. "Just say it, Emmett. I can already read it in your thoughts, anyway."_

_His grin had grown wider, and he'd winked with over-exaggeration. "It's better when it's wetter," he'd guffawed, then, mock wiping a nonexistent tear, he'd patted me on the back. I hadn't been able to suppress my own slight laugh. "Need any more advice; you know where to find me, brother. I have ten, great, sure-fire tips for cunnilin..."_

"_Emmett, don't push your luck!"_

Slamming the drawer shut on both that memory and the item inside, I continue my perusal of the room, noting still more trivial details before finally coming, once again, to stand before the large white bed.

Has any bridegroom ever been as frightened as I am now?

The thought mocks me because of course not, how ridiculous, this pathetic rambling of my thoughts. There has never been a relationship as complex and terrifying as the one between her and me. For a moment I think to leave, to return home and take Bella into my arms and tell her that I cannot give her what she wants, but the thought vanishes as easily as it came. Bella will only shake her head at me and look into my eyes, her entire being radiating her irrational and complete trust.

"_You promised we'd try Edward. You can't break your promise to me."_

Of course she is right; I cannot break my promise. I shake my head as I lament once again how easily she tears down my walls. I would have given her anything she'd asked for, _anything._ But this? This is what my bewitching girl asks of me, the one human experience she has decided she must have before she joins me in the ranks of the immortal damned?

Sighing, I let my mind return to that night, the night she'd demanded the impossible, letting the memory soothe me. Her tiny hands had trembled so much she could barely undo the buttons on my shirt. With quick, jerky movements, desperately trying to play the seductress, she'd moved to do the same to her clothing, and it had taken every ounce of will in my being to stop her.

She has never fully understood that her body holds as much, if not more, temptation to me as her blood. The thirst that burns in my throat whenever she is near now matches perfectly with the fire that torches my body – like two twin flames trying to consume me in their sweet burn. The problem is that I have long since believed myself capable of controlling my thirst, but I have no idea if the same can be said for my body.

Disjointed, frightening images from my last attempt at picturing my control mock me. And yet can I really, knowing what Bella means to me, believe myself even remotely capable of such an atrocity? The answer is no, unequivocally no. The horror I have imagined is just that, an imagined horror. I have allowed my mind free reign, down into the deepest, blackest side of myself. The pure immortal vampire that I am controlled those thoughts, but I am so much more than that. I am Carlisle Cullen's son.

Picturing the face of my creator, my for all intents and purposes Father, relaxes me the way no other image can. Carlisle believes in me, and so does Bella. Even each of my siblings, in whatever capacity they are capable of, believes in me. Alice: in her happy loving way, believing in me, much like Carlisle, with unflagging faith and devotion. Even Jasper, so easily able to picture tearing the life from a human, cannot imagine the same from me. Then there is Emmett, laughing, joking, bawdy and crude, and yet his faith that I will return with Bella whole and intact is unshakable. Even Rosalie, shaking her head, scowling with disgust, grudgingly thinks if anyone is capable of such a ridiculous venture it would have to be me. And Esme, gentle loving Esme, who already adores and loves Bella, relaxed and at ease with me and my decision, offering her island as a last and final indication of her faith. For all of them, but mostly for Bella and for myself, I must find a way to accomplish this impossible task.

I must make love to my wife without killing her.

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A/N See you all on Sunday. xoxo


	3. The Perfect Memory

**A/N Thank you to everyone reading and reviewing! I'm slipping this in at the last hour, but hey, I still made my promised update day.  
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***Warning* - This chapter contains mature content intended for adult readers. Ya'll know what that means. ;-) Enjoy. Cause you know I LOVED writing it. (lol)  
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><p><strong>Thorough<strong>

_...for Bella and for myself, I must find a way to accomplish this impossible task._

_I must make love to my wife without killing her_. (Thorough, ch. 2)

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Chapter 3 The Perfect Memory

Strengthening my resolve, I once again move closer to the bed and rest my hand upon the covers, trying to determine if the softness is acceptable even as I let my mind wander. It occurs to me that if I am to find any success in this endeavour to imagine a positive outcome on my wedding night, I must try to feed off more positive emotions than fear. Not the thirst, not even the physical need to have her body, but the myriad of others I harbour for my fragile human girl. Love, tenderness, compassion, respect, and then, finally, passion.

My mind wanders to the perfect memory, easily remembering lying in Bella's bed only a few short nights ago, kissing her sweet mouth. The soft sound of the rain had been the only backdrop to our breathing. Even Charlie had been completely silent in his slumber, blissfully dreaming of fishing with Billy. Soft, filtered moonlight had made its way through Bella's window, bathing her bedroom in silvery light.

Bella and I had been practicing, as we like to call it, testing my resolve and my control. We haven't gotten very far in our learning's. I am unwilling to take chances, and each time I feel a sudden, strong urge, I put a stop to our activities. Bella's patience is thin, and she finds it hard to control her human hormones, but she was being especially patient that night, and I had taken full advantage.

I let the memory unfold, grateful as never before for the eidetic powers of my mind that allow every nuance of that night to replay in all its cherished detail. My body reacts, awakening to the remembered sensations as if they are happening here and now. I ache with it.

Bella, mine, my own. How beautiful she'd been in my arms, the moonlight touching her skin, turning her ethereal...

_Slowly, I'd coaxed her lips open and ran my tongue along the inside edges of her mouth, darting and quick, keeping control. She'd whimpered softly as I'd left her mouth and trailed more kisses along her cheek to her jaw. She had been tangled up in the blankets I had bundled around her, but my hand had easily found a way in and slipped over her hip, up to her stomach. Carefully monitoring my baser instincts, I'd slid my fingers just slightly beneath the hem of her thin, cotton, tank top. Her breath had left her in a soft sigh, and she'd twisted more towards me. My other hand had cupped the back of her head, holding her still as I'd kissed the impossibly warm skin just beneath her jaw. Slowly, very slowly, I'd eased my hand farther beneath her shirt and skimmed my finger tips lightly over the satin skin of her stomach. Cautiously I'd stroked across the frighteningly fragile curves of her rib bones and lightly grazed the soft undersides of her breasts._

_She had whimpered again, a barely there sound that nevertheless had compelled me to move my lips back to hers, easily swallowing the sounds before they'd even really begun. Her mouth had been so impossibly sweet that it was all I could do not to follow her tiny whimper with one of my own._

_Charlie had begun to snore, making it easier for me to monitor his sleep, and I'd given in and moaned quietly against Bella's lips, deepening the kiss as much as I could while still keeping her safe from my teeth. Bella had stirred again, pressing her small body up, trying to encourage my hands and I'd smiled._

_"__Patience love__," I'd whispered, and then very carefully given her what she wanted, what we both had wanted. Tenderly, I'd eased my hand over her left breast. This was new territory for us. I had never touched her quite this way before, with nothing between her skin and my hand, and she had trembled all over in reaction. Once I would have stopped things immediately, believing my frigid skin to be the cause, but I had long since learned the difference between shivering and trembling._

_Her velvet-skinned, pert nipple had pebbled up against my palm instantly, and her breathing had stopped almost completely. Softly, I'd let my hand fully cup her exquisite flesh. The small, warm curve of her against my palm reminding me of how delicate she is so that I'd tempered each movement with exaggerated care. I had ached to pull the fabric away from her body and see with my eyes the pure loveliness I could feel beneath my fingertips. Shifting just slightly, I'd lifted my mouth from hers and her eyes had drifted open, looking uncertain. Immediately her hand had come up to cover mine and I'd examined her eyes, wanting to be sure that I had not crossed a line. Of course, Bella has no real lines, and I could instantly see that she'd merely wanted to prevent me from removing my hand, as if I'd had any desire at all to do so._

_Smiling gently, I'd lowered my head and ran my tongue over the plump swell of her bottom lip. My fingers had moved to caress her, to worship her, and she'd moaned sweetly, her eye's fluttering closed. Although I'd known she had no inkling of what it had done to me to feel her tiny hand covering mine while I'd stroked the tips of my fingers over the swollen bead of her nipple, I could not help but encourage her._

_"__Yes, Bella, show me, love. Show me how to touch you, how to please you__."_

_She'd hesitated only briefly, and the sweet burn in my throat had increased with the speed of her pulse and the warm blush of heat that stained her skin. Her fingers had moved, slipping beneath her top so that the cotton no longer separated her palm from the back of my hand. Carefully she'd covered my hand with her own as another tremor of pleasure had shivered over her body. Her fingers had trembled slightly as she'd hesitantly begun to guide my movements. Her innocence was so complete that I'd been momentarily spellbound. She was – _is_ - so new to these feelings within her body, and I'd been almost overwhelmed by tenderness as I'd realized just how little she would know about her own desires._

_I'd murmured her name against her lips just before I reclaimed them, wanting desperately to reassure her, to ease her. All my protective instincts had surged to the surface, and I'd realized I had never been more in control of my darker desires. That she would trust me enough to allow these liberties - that she loved me with an intensity that equally matched my own - is a gift she would never truly comprehend._

_There in that quiet darkness with the gentle sounds of the rain, I'd deepened the kisses more than I would normally allow. I'd let the tip of my tongue touch the tip of hers, always pulling back before she had a chance to respond. I could not kiss her the way we both truly desired, yet for that night it had been enough, and she'd sighed gently against my lips._

_I hadn't been able to get enough of the sensation of her breasts against my palm, and even when her hand had left mine and slid up to grasp my forearm in a tight, needy hold, I had not stopped. Lightly, again and again, I'd learned the perfect curves of her flesh, greedily absorbed her every sigh and moan, schooling myself in the art of her pleasure. Slowly I'd traced the hardened tips of her sweet, tight little nipples, loving her responsive sounds and the way she'd arched her back, pressing her flesh more firmly to my hands. She had felt so impossibly fragile, and the thought that I could have inadvertently hurt her at any moment terrified me, completely taming the beast within._

_For a long time that night, there had been nothing in existence but us. I had lost all concept of time, and dangerously forgotten for long moments to monitor our surroundings. The feel of her skin, the warm exhalations of her sweet breath, the taste of her mouth and the texture and heat of her flesh, had all made time seemingly stop. The tiny sounds of her need, the throbbing pulse of her rapid heartbeat, were so infinitely precious I'd known that nothing could ever again be any sweeter to me._

_My body became consumed with an undeniable ache, and I realized that I had never truly understood genuine desire. What I knew intellectually, what I'd witnessed in the minds of others, all schoolings and lessons, could never do this feeling justice. For the first time in my life, I understood the sheer power and beauty of sexual need, of sharing and giving pleasure to a lover. I'd wanted Bella, fully, desperately. I had still been able to feel the sharp edges of my thirst, the inferno in my throat a hot conflagration that rebuked complete denial of my desire for her blood, but nothing could have shattered my control right then. Not when my entire being had been centered on nothing more than loving Bella, pleasing Bella, in whatever limited way I could. _

_Slowly, regretfully though, I'd begun to draw away from her, knowing instinctively that too prolonged of a touch might begin to cause her pain. My cold fingers had warmed slightly in reaction to her heat, but soon the chill would have spread and the pleasure would have faded. Carefully, I'd moved away, taking time to caress the satiny skin of her collarbones, between her breasts, over her stomach and along the waist of her pyjama bottoms. I'd wanted her to know that all parts of her were equally precious to me – most of all I'd wanted to keep her from harm. As much as I'd wanted to continue, the trust in my control was a tenuous thing, especially under such temptations._

_Her breath had frozen in her lungs when my fingers had slipped just under her waistband, grazing silk skin. I'd instantly realized my mistake as my intentions could've been easily misconstrued as the natural progression in our lovemaking. She'd clutched at me, pulling away from my kiss._

_"__Breathe, Bella__," I'd chuckled, and she'd done so with a slight gasp._

_"__You can, it's okay…, if you want…?" __Her cheeks had flushed a soft tender pink, and she'd lowered her eyes, still holding my hand against her lower abdomen._

_One small millimetre of movement and I could have slipped beneath that pathetically flimsy elastic barrier and really touched her. I had wanted it so desperately it was all I could do to restrain myself. The very thought of caressing Bella so intimately had sent flames of raw need slamming against my self control. Gathering my wits about me, I'd managed to pull away, moving my hand to her back and turning her so she'd lain on her side facing me. Her breathing became shallow and too fast as she'd buried her face against my chest, trembling softly. Her emotions can be as fragile as her body, and so I'd murmured her name._

_"__Bella, look at me, love."_

_She'd done as I'd asked slowly, and I had smiled, stolen another lingering kiss and gently tucked her body closer to mine. She had come undone from her blankets, but her flesh had felt warm with no trace of a chill so I'd allowed myself the joy of holding her close as I'd looked down into her eyes._

_"__I want that, very much, Bella, never doubt that, love.__But for tonight, this is enough__."_

_She'd nodded with a small sigh, and I'd cradled her close, running my hands over her back in a slow, soothing motion until she'd begun to relax against me, her body softening even further against my own. Shifting, she'd pressed her top leg against mine and I'd moved back, allowing her to scoot even closer. Her thigh slid over my bottom leg bringing her intimately close to me, and the soft, moist heat of her femininity had transferred instantly through all the barriers of our clothing. The jolt of it had gone entirely through me in a rush both shockingly sweet and bitterly terrifying. I'd felt my control slip for the first time that night. Need, overwhelming need, made me burn, and a hissing growl had escaped my throat. Bella's body froze, and she had begun to move away, but I'd tightened my grasp and held her to me._

_She'd looked up at me and lightly touched my face__. "I'm sorry, Edward; is it too much?"_

_"__No, just be still, Bella, don't move an inch."__ My voice had been too harsh. I'd wanted with every fibre in my being to tear the clothes from her body, to take her completely. Her scent, the sweet power of her blood, had mingled with the intoxicating musk of her desires, and my body had urgently wanted, needed, to claim hers. For a moment I'd believed that I would have to tear myself away and run from her, but just as suddenly the feeling had become clear. I did not want to hurt her – her blood was just as appealing as ever, but that particular demon had been well under control. What I'd wanted, really wanted, was no different than any other 17 year old male. I had wanted her, physically, desperately, but in this want, I, who could pulverize stone into sand without any exertion, would destroy this fragile creature as easily as if I did drink her blood._

_Reining my desire in, I'd slowly forced my focus back on Bella, my anchor, my sanity. She'd been so still in my arms that I'd known she couldn't possibly have been comfortable. All my previous efforts at relaxing her had been undermined, and every muscle in her tiny body had been tense. She'd continued to look at me, worry etched over her beautiful features. Not worry for herself – no, never that – but worry for me, as though she had no inkling of how I could have hurt her if I had given in to my desire. And perhaps she did not, Bella has remained stubbornly optimistic about our ability to achieve our goal despite every attempt I have made to disabuse her of the notion._

_Sighing, I had kissed her again softly__. "I'm sorry, love; I just want you very much."_

_She'd nodded, and I had shaken my head at her easy understanding, knowing that she believed my want to come from my desire to consume her blood. Believing that I had probably pushed my boundaries enough for one night, I had chosen not to clarify my thoughts, hoping her misunderstanding might've allowed me the moment I needed to gather my wits back around me. I should have known better. No one excels at throwing me off base better than my Bella._

_Shifting her body, she had suddenly become impossibly closer. Her scent swirled around me, and she'd arched her back with a soft sigh, pressing that intimate flesh at her core momentarily tighter against me. The action had been inadvertent, but her arousal was high, making her achingly sensitive. Instantly a tremor had coursed over her, and I could feel her body tighten as she'd tried to remain still even as her breathing turned to sudden small pants. Once again tenderness had overwhelmed me, and I'd laughed softly to myself. At times like this she is so predictably human, a slave to her overwrought hormones. And yet I could not - _cannot_ - bring myself to wish she were any different no matter the temptation she embodied. Her responsiveness has become my newest drug of choice, rapidly beginning to outweigh even the siren call of her blood. Besides, I was rapidly learning that my own sexual want – human hormones aside – were just as powerful. I'd simply had more practice denying urges than she had._

_"__Ah, Bella,"__ I'd whispered, tilting her head back so I could kiss her. A part of me had secretly relished the fact that I had brought her to this even as I regretted the discomfort I'd known it was causing. I'd wondered if I could ease her, use her instinctual need to rock against me to my advantage. Moving my hand down her back, I'd pressed ever so slightly against the dip at the base of her spine, testing. Her body had arched against me once again, and I'd pressed my thigh more firmly against her secret heat. Another powerful surge of desire had slammed into me, but I'd clenched my teeth against its pull._

_I'd trailed kisses over Bella's jaw, and moulded my hand to that sweet curve at the small of her back to rock her forward, again, and again, and again. I'd felt her pleasure escalate, smelled it in her blood and the air. I'd grown almost dangerously triumphant as I'd realized the probable outcome of my movements. _

_Bella's breath had begun to slip past her lips in small sporadic pants, her already tightly coiled form had tensed even more. I had felt her desire, known the exact moment it had moved past want to need. Her trembling had become constant, and her hands had clenched into fists at my chest._

_Suddenly, pleasing her, bringing relief to the fire I had stoked in her body had become my only priority, my only thought and desire. The beast had been quiet, watchful, perhaps waiting for me to make a mistake or maybe just as entranced by the pure beauty of Bella in that moment as I had been._

_Her skin was impossibly flushed, the heat pulsing out of her body so intense I'd felt consumed by it, and still it hadn't been enough. I'd ached desperately to touch her, to replace my cold, hard, inadequate thigh with my fingers, my mouth, my erection, though I'd known my control was not strong enough for that. I'd felt strained to the breaking point, poised on a dangerous precipice. I'd known I should stop, leave, but anger had fired deep within me, a slow hot rage that I was failing to be a man for her. It's her right as my mate to expect this from me; my duty and honour as hers to satisfy her. I'd wanted to give this to her, to us. I'd wanted to feel her come undone, to know that I alone was the catalyst for her pleasure. _

_I'd gathered the shreds of my control tightly together, and redoubled my efforts, rocking my thigh gently but firmly against her. My lips had found that tender place behind her ear that I'd learned could make her shiver, and I breathed cool air over the moisture left from my kiss. My hand had found her breast once more, gently squeezed the tight tip between my thumb and finger, using the soft cotton of her shirt to softly abrade those sensitive nerves. She'd shuddered, her breath exhaling on the most delicious, ragged little moan I'd ever heard escape her lips while her heart beat a rapid staccato rhythm in her chest._

_I'd wanted to give her more, but this was all I could trust myself with. I'd feared it wouldn't be enough to give her the relief I'd so desperately wanted to grant._

_That thought had barely been born when Bella had suddenly turned rigid in my arms. _

_Electrical impulses had shimmered against the tips of the fingers I had pressed firmly against her spine, and she'd cried my name, once, quietly in the dark. It had been over in seconds, nothing more than a pale mimicry of the pleasure her body was truly capable of, still, it had seemed to be enough. I'd felt her muscles relax and she'd gone boneless and limp in my arms. Breathing my name again, she'd pressed her face against my neck, and my entire being had been humbled by the incredibly perfect creature I'd held in my arms as I'd gathered her as close as I could dare._

The exquisite memory clings to me; a perfect tactile sensation to hold onto_. _Such a small thing to most, adolescent petting, and yet such a large accomplishment to us.

I hadn't hurt her, not once, and through it all, the most important factor? The beast had remained unnaturally still, enraptured by her, and after, as content to hold her and revel in the afterglow as I had been.

It was a beginning, and the spark of hope I need to continue to try.

I must continue to try.

. . . . . .


	4. Confronting Demons

**A/N **This is where the story takes a slight turn into that "tongue in cheek" factor I mentioned in the first chapter. Don't say I didn't warn you. ;-)

* * *

><p><strong><span>Thorough<span>**_  
><em>

. . . . . .

_God has given you one face, and you make yourself another._

_William Shakespeare._

_~x~_

_A man who is 'of sound mind' is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key. _

_Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld_

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

**Confronting Demons**

. . . . . .

_It was a beginning, and the spark of hope I need to continue to try._

_I must continue to try. (Thorough chapter 3)_

_. . . . . .  
><em>

Still clinging to the remnants of that sweet moment, I push my mind farther. In my imagination we continue as though we'd never paused.

_Bella lifts her face to mine, and I kiss her again, and again. Carefully I peel her clothes away from her skin, and my hand cups her, caresses her, __there__. As I had desperately wanted to that night, my fingers move in the shadowed apex of her thighs, thrilling in her heat, the exquisite wetness I imagine I will find there. __I will__ show her the real pleasure her body is capable of, not the pathetic, weak excuse she'd experienced. Her head falls back, and she moans my name, trembling and arching beneath my hand. Moving over her, I draw her legs up and around my waist, the heat of her skin making me groan as I press our bodies together, joining them in a ritual as old as time. Her heat will scald me, consume me, envelop me; I play it out in vivid detail, adding the imagined tightness of her body that I know, despite my lack of experience, will clench around my erection as I begin to move. My mind thrills with the idea of it, until I can nearly feel what I envision._

Careful, be so careful, I must not hurt her, _but in my mind she is moving beneath me and I ache to take her, to fill her._

I struggle with this dream, force myself to remember her terrifying fragility, but the need - the beast - is a separate entity, snarling for control. Even outside of reality his will tries to overcome my own.

_I move faster. Her imagined soft cries seem to tell me she likes that, and the beast snarls, screams at me to please her still more. Faster, harder, my fingers dig into her hips lifting her, my body pinning her to the bed which shudders around us. The headboard slams against the wall, the frame snaps and cracks, dipping the entire bed, but I need to fill Bella, claim her, and all rational, necessary thought slips away. She is __mine. _

_The fire takes over, not thirst but pure blinding lust, and I drown myself in her heat, her softness her perfect wet center, chasing that blissful intense want, that perfect oblivion. In my mind imaginary me opens his eyes wanting to see the face of the woman I love, wanting to see her pleasure, see the love spilling from her bottomless eyes._

_The image before me is torturous. Horrified, what I see is not Bella, but a broken rag doll, a lifeless replica of the woman I love. Blood trickles from the corner of her mouth, and the body I still pump relentlessly is already cooling, soon to be nothing more than a silent, cold corpse….._

_No, no, no!_

Once again I wrench myself free from my minds sick vision and groan loudly. Rage consumes me, and it is all I can do not to tear the room apart, starting with this… fucking… God… damned… picture... perfect… honeymoon… bed!

I want to tear it down, smash it to pieces, and pulverize it until nothing is left but splinters and unrecognizable threads of metal and fabric.

Gritting my teeth, I turn and flee, sprinting from the house and turning into the thick growth of jungle. I need to burn off this frustration, and my feet hit the ground, pounding until the vegetation trembles. The senseless destruction of trees and plants marks my path. Running consumes me, but the island is small and no match for the stamina and rage that fuel me now. I settle for making circuits around and around until finally my mind re-emerges. I slow, allowing my legs to carry me to the beach.

My immortal body cannot tire. I have run for days and have never reached the end of my endurance, but my mind is more than weary, and so I sink down on the sand and try to find some kind of control.

My imaginings haunt me, and try as I might I cannot shake the image of Bella broken and gone beneath me. _Me,_ a rutting, depraved beast with no more self-control than the lowliest of creatures. Unlike my previous vision this is not the unrealistic fear-filled ramblings of an insecure mind. This has the bitter stench of truth and fact permeating every dark corner in my head. This is the real demon I must battle. My thirst and nature are a threat I'd battled back and defeated long ago. It is this, my overwhelming strength and the damage I could do with it if I give over to my lust that is my real enemy now.

How many human minds have I read in my immortal life? More than even my mind can calculate. Sex consumes and devours rational thoughts and actions, even in the kindest of souls. Driven by baser impulses even the most loving of interactions can play host to the darkest of thoughts and fantasies. How can I believe that I am in any way capable of restraining what I am, me, a soulless creature created for violence and destruction?

I turn this thought over and over again in my mind, waiting for the inevitable crushing of my futile hope, but it doesn't come. Oddly, instead, I begin to feel empowered.

The question I've just asked taunts me. _"Who am I?"_

I have existed for more than a century believing myself to be one of the immortal damned, bound to this earth neither fully alive nor dead. An unchanging creature bred solely for chaos and devastation. Struggling with my conscience, I'd finally found some small measure of peace in choosing to deny the monster his favoured diet of human blood. But my existence still felt empty, until that fateful day when Bella had walked into my life and turned everything I thought to be true upside down. Even to this day I cannot bring myself to understand such a gift, but a gift it is nevertheless, and I have overcome seemingly insurmountable odds to keep my gift.

Bella: Her beautiful face floods my mind and finally chases away the last clinging, reeking strands of my imaginings.

Rising from the sand, I remove my clothes slowly, methodically, carefully folding each article and piling them neatly at my feet. The tedious chore, done in human speed, clears my mind even further. Slowly I make my way into the water, walking out until I am submerged entirely. Then and only then do I let my real nature take over, pushing up off the sandy bottom, and rocketing with full inhuman strength and speed out into the consuming ocean.

Miles out, I allow myself to slow, then stop, settling to the bottom like a stone. I stretch my body out and lay completely motionless. Even from this depth I can still make out the silhouette of the moon and the scattering of tiny pinpricks of light that blanket the night sky. I let my mind wander where it will, not trying to control the course of my thoughts, but rather allowing them to go where they may. It doesn't take long for random notions to lead me back to where I'd left off.

'_Who am I?'_ Immortal, soulless, vampire? Yes, undoubtedly, but loving Bella has made me so much more. My own individual strength of character and will have governed me for a long time, but never more so then in these last few years. So in this instance, can I truly believe that my will could be shattered by something as human as sex? Me, a creature that exists outside of all that is mortal?

If I can find the will, the power to deny _what I am_, to succeed in not destroying any life that crosses my path, should I not be capable of _this_? Perhaps before Bella, my answer might have been different, but she has changed me irrevocably and completely. Not just because of the love and mercy I have found in my relationship with her, but because I had to overcome the impossible. For her, with her still, I deny, every day, every minute, every second, what I am. And I do so no matter the pain, be it physical or other, because I cannot ever go back to _who I was_.

In return, I have vowed that by some power, whether my own immortal ones or the power of whatever fate saw fit to grant me with her, I will be worthy. Worthy of Bella, of her love and of her trust, and when I take her as my wife I _**will**_ be worthy of her body. If I truly thought I was capable of the atrocity my mind has played out for me tonight, then I could never really deserve her. And somewhere, somehow, I realize that a small quiet part of me has slowly come to believe that there is something in me that deserves her.

Ahhhh, so this is what epiphany feels like. I cannot help but laugh as my mind replays a precious memory. Bella in the forest, her beautiful face screwed up in comical concentration, _"I think I am having an epiphany."_ Her pleasure at finally understanding that I loved her, that I had never stopped loving her even through the biggest mistake of my existence.

I flip onto my stomach and glide back through the water, covering the massive distance in seconds with nothing more than the smooth, powerful strokes of my arms. I emerge from my swim more peaceful than I have been since my arrival. Squaring my shoulders, I stride through the darkness still naked, feeling the water dry on my skin in the humid air.

I pause before the house and stare at the lighted windows. By all intents and purposes the house should look welcoming and peaceful, but suddenly it does not. It takes me a moment to wonder why unease is prickling at the nape of my neck. If I was capable of human reactions I was certain the tiny hairs there, and everywhere else on my body, would be standing straight up.

I have left _him_ there.

Ridiculous, and yet I cannot help the feeling that somehow in my hasty flight, I left something behind.

_Him_.

The other half, the one that refuses to be fully tamed, the beast. He is there, lingering in the shadows just beyond my sight, waiting for my return with a mouth full of venom and fists clenched in despair and rage. Ready to defeat every effort I make at imagining success on my wedding night.

Irrational...

Yet perhaps my thoughts are not so irrational really. For too long I have viewed myself as torn, two halves existing in a constant battle with one another. One half good, the remnants of the human I was, tied together with the desire to be the immortal Carlisle believes me to be. One half evil, a remorseless predator bent on depravity. Emotionally I am one, biologically the other. The two sides are forever at war.

Acceptance begins to bloom within me. I am both of those things, for better or worse, and the dark part of me cannot be removed. It can, however, be denied. Without Bella there is no reason to live; _he_ must be made to understand that. I have to merge these two parts of myself; they cannot remain separate. Bella is the link that must bind us.

I stare at the house and picture _him_ there, using the same imaginative skills I've used to fantasize about Bella.

_He's still lurking in the shadows, only now his expression is pensive. He is digesting that thought; that without Bella there is no reason to live. Without her there is no reason, period. _

In a short time I've become very adept at fantasy. It's compellingly easy to envision my other half, waiting for me there in the house, an actual corporeal form and not just my psyche's stressed out delusion.

_"We cannot exist if she does not." My words are sharp in the darkness, but not loud._ Pushing past the discomfort and silliness I feel at talking to myself, I continue.

_"You know this don't you; you know it is the truth. If I let you control me, control this, and any harm comes to her, any…" I trail off letting the threat I'm essentially delivering to myself, hang._

_"I will not exist without her. If some part of you hopes to drive me to the darkest depths of despair. If some part of you thinks you will win and convert me to your dark nightmare of an existence, you would be sadly mistaken. I will not allow her love to be in vain, do you hear me? We __ will be worthy of her."_

I wait, still envisioning him in my mind.

_He's hunched over now, fists pressed against his temples, teeth locked in a pained grimace as my words batter at him_.

He is me, only...not. A dark twin, a split personality; the one part of myself I have never fully made peace with, and I am nothing if not creative.

_"__I__ will not live in a world without her. __I__ will end our immortal life; there will be no power great enough to stop me, especially not you."_

_**"You will go to hell and burn for eternity, for her?"**_

The words are a roar so loud in my mind that I wince. I have goaded him out of hiding, and suddenly nothing exists but the two of us. Imagined...or not. The island fades, as does the house. I was wrong; he was not lurking there waiting for me. He is where he has always been, in my body, my mind, waiting for me to make a mistake. But I've become wise to him, and my resistance is making him careless.

_"Gladly, beast, for not even hell can hold tortures greater than a life without her."_

_**"Fool. When will you ever learn to just embrace what you are? Can you not see the pure relief waiting for you on the other side, do you never tire of this disgusting fight, this sad mockery of playing human. You are not human, we are immortal. Vampire, remember who you are!"**_

The dual side of me spins out my darkest desire - the want to embrace what I am and give up the constant strain of fighting my biological needs.

The desire will always be there, but I am beyond it. Beyond _him_.

_"I already know who I am, and I have never forgotten." _

Even when I had given in, I'd never truly forgotten. If I had, I wouldn't be here now.

_He laughs, his tone scornful, mocking. "__**I can live without the human girl."**_

_I study his words, realizing I can hear something hidden there. "Can you?"_

_He is me. Darker, more primitive, evil, but still me, and he wants her as well...  
><em>

_"I think you protest a little too much, beast." _

I am done. Done with talking, done with giving him form, done with validating his existence. I refuse to grant him - myself and my self doubts - any more power.

Taking one long steadying breath, I let go of my illusions. I race back into the house, back to the white room and the large honeymoon bed, daring him to stop me.

Maybe I've gone a little insane. I find I don't care. Whatever temporary insanity I have, I'll bear if it means I can be with Bella, in all ways.

Carefully I lie down and close my eyes. I know he is still there, I can feel him watching, silent now and perhaps a bit smug as he sees what I am once again attempting to do. I have already failed twice; the odds are, after all, in his favour.

_**"Go ahead,**_" he mocks me. _**"Try again dear boy, I've rather enjoyed the last two showings."**_

I let him watch.

_Slowly I draw Bella out. Her image is misty at first but quickly solidifying until she stands before me at the foot of the bed. Her head is cocked slightly to the side and she is smiling, a faint blush already visible on the pale white skin I adore. She is naked and rapturously beautiful, and I hold out my hand to her._

_Come to me, Love, my life, my one beating heart. Come to me..._

I feel her touch me, and I think to myself – _'if this is insanity, it is glorious.'_

_. . . . . ._

A/N Remember - "tongue in cheek". Edward's lost it a little, the stress has gotten to him poor vamp. ;-)


	5. The Power of The Mind

**Thorough**

* * *

><p><em>"Perseverance is more prevailing than violence; and many things which cannot be overcome when they are together, yield themselves when taken up little by little."<em>

Plutarch

~xx~

_"He conquers who endures."_

Persius

* * *

><p>I feel her touch me, and I think to myself – <em>'if this is insanity, it is glorious.'<em> - (Thorough, chapter 4)

. . . . . .

**Chapter 5 - The Power of the Mind**.

. . . . . .

My resolve is iron. As a result my perceived Bella seems wonderfully real, and as she moves into my arms every sense in my body is heightened. The carefully catalogued smells of her blood, her skin, her hair, wash over me, enhancing my imaginative powers as if she was truly here.

My other half, the insidious beast that is my vampire nature, is still in my mind and thoughts, watching my fantasy unfold, but his presence is inconsequential now. This time I will try and do everything I can to maintain control.

_I lay her down beside me, and her smile is the final end to my dread._

_I love you so much, Edward…_

_She takes my breath away with her beauty, her faith, and I want only to worship her and fulfill all her desires. I take my time, allowing my hands to caress flesh I've only yet to envision in my mind. There is nothing I would not do to pleasure her, and yet so many things I must not do._

Gentle. I must be gentle, careful.

_Imaginary Bella is responsive to my every touch, and the pulse of her living heart beats in tandem with her erratic breathing. The feel of her, the smell of her, is everywhere within me._

_I place my hand over her breast and her heartbeat moves the flesh, pressing it against my palm again and again as I caress her. Greedily I sip the soft moans from her mouth and trace her lips with my tongue. Slowly, I move along the sweet lines of her jaw, beneath the shadowed hollow of her chin and down her neck. I lick the vein there, feeling it pulse with her life force, and I am consumed by tenderness. _

Yes, this is the feeling I need. I refocus my efforts, my eyes shut so tightly they create a seal that shuts out all light, all visuals of anything but what I am fantasizing.

Her life, her continuing to beat heart, is my greatest treasure, my finest accomplishment. One day all too soon it will end, and we will be joined forever in eternity. That gift is beyond comprehension, but here in this moment I can, _I will_, savour the very essence of her mortality, and I will give her all that I am, all that she has asked of me.

My fantasy takes on a new heightened edge with my convictions...

_I trace the silken skin on her thighs opening them to my touch. _

I allow the dual aches to be present this time, both parts of myself, beast and man. I feel the dark edges of my need to claim her rise within me, but don't allow them to fully surface.

_You can watch, beast. Watch me love her..._

_My fingers move higher over her thighs, higher... Her wet heat envelopes my fingers as I move them over her secret flesh with a feather light touch. Her entire body arches, and she moans my name, trembling all over. _

For a second my control almost slips as my desires increase tenfold with such imaginings. I want her so badly my erection nearly throbs.

Not yet damn it. Keep control. See her there in your mind; she is your everything...

_My fingers slide inside her body and her tiny muscles clench around them, her cries escalating. Yes...this is what I want; this is how I want to touch her. Oh, how easily I envision her now._

_Edward…please__._

_My Bella, my love, mine._

_In my mind I move swiftly now, before I lose the tenuous grip on my control. Positioning her beneath me, I hook my fingers behind her knee, drawing her leg up and over my hip. The imagined heat of her sex pressing against my erection has me growling out loud in the present._

_She's ready, I can take her now._

No! Careful – slowly, damn you – slowly.

My hands fist the blankets beneath me and I exhale hard, expelling tension and holding the vision of Bella in my head, refusing to give in, to give up. I will picture this. I will not imagine anything but the perfect union.

_In my mind I push forward and claim her, but instead of giving in to my lust I force my body to still. Nothing moves._

_Opening the eyes of my imagined self, I look down upon Bella's face. Her breathing is still sporadic, and the exhalations against my skin are incredibly, heatedly erotic._

I've always loved the feel of her breathing. I embellish it now; weave it more tightly into this fantasy.

_Edward…__her eyes flutter closed and she moves beneath me. Her hips begin to rise, drawing me deeper into her body. Her hot, lush, secret place..._

I could explode at the idea of this. The image is so good, so wickedly, sinfully, perfectly good. Me, inside of her...yes, God yes.

Suddenly everything is clear. I can still hear and feel the darker parts of my nature snarling at me, urging me to consider other possibilities – _fucking and blood and hard and bite and lap, sip, suckle at the crimson ribbons_ – but it is only a faint echo now; an inconceivable idea in the imaginings of love and the making of love_._

_I envision her. I can feel her. Her skin on mine and mine on hers... Bella continues to move, her hips rising and falling in faultless rhythm, and I match my own movements perfectly with hers. _

My control still feels weak, but I stagger blindly into the realization that I could let her lead. Her body will know what it wants, know what it needs, and the questions it will ask of mine could be so easily, readily, answered.

_Bella arches and a soft mewl escapes her._

_Yes, I murmur against her lips as I feel her body quicken beneath me, encouraging her now, urging her on the way I've never allowed myself to do before._

I've always asked her for restraint, even in our most passionate encounter I've demanded restraint. How unfair, how much more she deserves. I will not fail her, not in my mind...

_Please__ my imaginary love moans, losing her rhythm and it is nothing, nothing, to move my hand from its death grip on the coverings beneath us and place it between our bodies. Find the tender bud of flesh nestled like a jewel between her slick heated folds, moving my fingers delicately, matching the rhythm of my thrusts. Faster, just a little faster now, knowing she'll need more at that point, and finding it so easy to give as long as I focus on her, only her. _

This vision in my mind ripples and begins to fade. I'm more aroused than I have ever been, thinking this way, imagining this way. As I struggle against my own carnal desires, the monster snarls and everything in me aches, torn with the urges I know I have to resist.

Rut, take, claim, own, hard, fast – give in, give in, give in – just give in, it will feel so good...

_I can nearly taste her, my fantasy is so compelling. Her sweet cries of pleasure – because yes how she wants this, how she wants me until she's wild with the pleasure I'm giving her – are taking me deeper and deeper, but…ah… I must resist…I can resist. _

Struggling, I push the beast and his ideas back farther and farther, desperately trying to hold onto my sanity while my imagined Bella unleashes the full force of her passion.

_Only Bella exists, only her…only her._

The ringing of my cell phone is so loud, so completely out of place in this fantasy that it snaps me brutally out of my head and slams me back to reality as if I've been doused in freezing water. With a roar of profanity, I sit up and grab my phone from the nightstand table where I'd left it earlier.

Alice.

Of course, how absurdly predictable.

"What, Alice." I don't bother to keep the irritation out of my voice, though I instantly regret it. Of all people, Alice knew best my exact intentions for coming here to the island. Respecting my space and privacy are things not possible for beings such as us, but she would have tried to the best of her abilities, I knew that. For her to be calling now was cause for alarm, and my thoughts instantly go to Bella.

"Edward." Alice's voice conveys a soft sigh filled with tremendous relief.

"What's wrong? Is Bella. ..?"

"No, it's okay, Edward. Bella is fine, I promise."

"Then why are you calling me now?" _Of all the times, damn it, Alice_. Relief wars with frustration and she laughs musically as though she is the mind reader. If I wasn't so accustomed to my quirky sisters psychic visions of the future, I might feel embarrassed at what she obviously knows. However, years of living with our combined talents has made me and my family members immune to such feelings.

"I'm sorry, Edward, really I am." She sounds honestly contrite, and it eases my irritation further.

"It's just that I've been getting the weirdest images in my head and I...oh, I don't know." She sounds exasperated and annoyed, and I can't help but laugh. Alice hates not seeing anything clearly, and is given to quite the fits of temper when her gift doesn't cooperate. Jasper must have been using considerable amounts of his own gifts to have her so calm at the moment. It also doesn't take a genius to figure out some of the things she must have been seeing.

My laughter annoys her further. "Don't laugh, Edward. If you could see some of the things that have been running through my mind, you wouldn't dare laugh." Her petulance is adorable, but I restrain my amusement.

"I'm sorry, Alice, I don't mean to insult you."

"Hmm," she sounds sceptical, but after a moment relents, concern once again her only agenda. "I'm worried about you. Edward. What _are_ you _doing_ out there?" she whispers, her voice forced and full of fear for me. "I keep seeing…Edward I don't even know what the hell I am seeing half of the time, and the other half, well let's just say if I didn't know better I would swear Bella was there with you."

"Where is Bella?" I ask, both out of curiosity and the need to further gather my wits about me. Awkward enough to answer these kinds of questions, never mind the fact that the lingering images of my fantasy are still clinging to me both in mind and body. Wincing, I pull the covers over the evidence straining from my lap as though she might somehow be able to see through the phone.

"Here, with Esme and Rose in the garden. We _were_ making wedding bouquet flower selections when you so rudely interrupted us with your…"

"Ah, yes, Alice" I interrupt quickly. "I know, but please, you are going to have to ignore these images okay, I'm just…..battling some demons right now." Literally and figuratively.

"Oh." She sounds as though some pieces of the puzzle have just clicked together for her, and I grimace at that thought. So in tuned to her mind, even here thousands of miles away with nothing but a phone connection, I am granted a few sporadic images from her thoughts that make me groan internally. No wonder she was spooked.

"Alice, take the phone to Bella, I want to talk to her, please."

"No, absolutely not."

Her tone is vehement, and I am stunned. "What?"

"Edward," she sighs and I can hear the effort it costs her to sound conciliatory. "You should hear your voice right now, you sound….ugh… I don't even know. Positively feral I guess. Whatever you are doing, whatever it is you are going through, it is very apparent in your voice. You don't want to frighten her or make her suspicious do you?"

She doesn't give me a chance to reply, and now her tone becomes commanding and certain. "Of course you don't. Besides, Bella is actually being productive today. I've gotten more out of her in the last six hours than I've gotten all month, and I will not allow you to distract her."

"Alice," I begin, annoyed and concerned. "Six hours? You've been at her for six hours?"

"Oh, Edward, relax. She's actually having fun, and Esme made her a wonderful lunch and she ate every bite. Oh, and Carlisle is stopping on his way home from the hospital to pick up her dinner, Italian of course. Even Emmett is behaving; he just ran to the store to pick out a movie for later, and Jasper is already planning to positively smother her in calmness so she'll sleep like a baby tonight. And since she's sleeping over, she'll be tucked up, in your bed, safe and sound for the entire night. Watched over I might add by six fiercely protective vampires. Honestly, Edward, don't you realize yet that any one of us would rather see the world come to an end than see one hair on her head harmed in any way?"

Chagrined and amused at Alice's rant, I concede defeat. Of course I know all of this is true. Still, I can't help but make one last disparaging remark. "Six Alice? Don't you mean five? I can't imagine Rosalie to be very protective."

Alice's snort of anger is loud. "Seriously, Edward, get over it. Rosalie loves Bella in her own way, and you know it as well as I do. She just can't bring herself to understand. Rosalie can never imagine making the choices Bella is making. It creates...conflict."

I regret my pettiness instantly. I've seen with my own eyes Rosalie making an effort to be kinder to Bella in the last few months, and I am ashamed at myself for taking my current frustrations out on her. "I'm sorry, Alice, you're right. And to answer your last question, no I certainly do not believe that any of you would allow Bella to come to harm. I just really hate being away from her."

"I know. Listen, are you sure you need to be there?" Worry has crept back into her voice, and I can't help but smile.

"Yes, I'm sure, and honestly despite what you may see, Alice, I think I'm finally able to believe that things might be okay for Bella and me, at least in regards to our honeymoon."

"Hmmm, well as long as you're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay then…I guess I'll just try to not look right now…ugh, at least as much as I can anyway."

Laughing, I shake my head. "Thanks. Alice. Oh, and by the way, you know I love you right?"

Her turn to laugh, the sound musical and already fading as she moves the phone away, "Of course you do, silly, everyone does. Oh, and by the way, I like the yellow car…" The dial tone clicks in, and I hang up laughing.

. . . . . .


	6. Sweating the Details

**Thorough**

~x~

_Forewarned, forearmed; to be prepared is half the victory._

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

_~x~_

_There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other._

Douglas H. Everett

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 6 <span>

Sweating the Details

. . . . . .

After hanging up the phone with Alice, I close my eyes and sigh. I contemplate laying back down and trying to pick up where I left off in my fantasy, but though I had truly felt I'd been winning the battle, I wasn't confident enough to try again so soon. The ringing of the phone had jarred me from a very precarious edge, one which could have honestly tipped me either way. The bottom line was that I had been more successful in this last imagining than I had been in any other, but I could hardly call it a victory. Even in those last few seconds, I had felt my will being eroded away at a frightening pace.

Shaking my head, I rise and leave the bedroom in need of at least a partial distraction. In a small room down the hall that acted as a study for Carlisle, I found the boxes that would have been brought down by the caretakers sometime last week. With my mind still replaying my previous fantasy in obsessive detail, I began sorting and organizing the items inside, able to manage each task with careful attention to detail easily.

I pulled out packages of snorkelling gear that I had ordered online directly after deciding on the Island as our destination. Carefully I removed them from the snug confines of packing materials, and inspected them thoroughly for any defects in manufacturing that might possibly make them unsafe. I had bought them from a highly reputable and respected dealer, but still…one could never be certain. I would have preferred to have made such purchases first hand, but finding such items in or around Forks would have been difficult and time consuming. Luckily the craftsmanship appeared satisfactory….

_In another part of my mind a sweetly responsive, albeit unreal Bella, moans against my mouth as I caress her breasts. I had managed to take this last exercise in make-believe lovemaking to a much more satisfactory place than the others, and I wondered how or why. What had I done differently, if anything…?_

Finished with the visual inspection of the snorkelling gear, I place them near the door. I will need to test the items myself before I will allow Bella to use them, but visually they seem up to par.

_Edward…please. _

_The sound of my name and her husky, desire soaked plea passing from her lips to my ears had been impossibly erotic. Even now the memory makes me hard. It is not an imagined phrase, which had granted it powers none of my other imaginings had, and I realize I may have stumbled upon the key to my limited success. I had brought the very real essence of Bella into my fantasy…_

Tearing open the next box, I find the picnic items I'd purchased from the Newton's family store. Though the place sold an array of items for outdoor activities it generally tended to lean towards the more practical articles. However, here and there Mrs. Newton had managed to inject a few items more whimsical and romantic than necessary. The basket had been just such an item, and Mrs. Newton had kindly offered to fill it with all the essentials required for a romantic picnic. Despite the fact that her irritating offspring had been lurking nearby having lascivious thoughts about my fiancé, I'd managed to graciously accept her offer. Not to mention stop myself from hurling Mike Newton through the plate glass storefront window. I'm sure the latter part was due a great deal to my foresight in having dragged Jasper along on the venture. He'd swaddled the entire store in such a pleasant cocktail of calming emotions it was a wonder customers hadn't lain down in the aisles to sleep. Now I found myself glad that I had not refused her offer, nor harmed her pubescent horn dog of a son. She'd done a remarkable job, and the basket was elegantly stocked with everything from fine crystal wine glasses to matching checkered cloth napkins. I added her to the corner of my mind still occupied with Alice's thank you gift. I expected I would find a suitable item to present as a thank you to Mrs. Newton long before I found one for the vampire sister who had everything…

_Edward... My recreated love's eyes had fluttered closed as I'd invaded her tender intimate flesh and fully claimed her as my own. The expression of pleasure had been pure Bella, innocent and seductress all wrapped in one, and in my fantasy I'd gone perfectly still. My other fantasies had yielded a completely different result. Imaginary Edward had taken her body and selfishly been utterly consumed in his own pleasure. The beast had wanted, needed to use Bella, take her in a desperate need to sate his own lust, but this time I'd been able to thwart him. _

_Why?_

Using even more care I unpack the last two items, pleased to see that they'd both survived their lengthy journey intact. I hadn't been certain they would despite the exorbitant fee I'd paid the shipping company. I removed the final layer of swaddling from the first to reveal a beautiful, hand-etched Tiphany bud vase. After an extensive shopping trip with Alice, my sister's thoughts had shown me images of Bella looking generally bored or flustered in shop after shop. One, however, had stood out from the others in the sense that Bella had actually stopped of her own accord and taken time to obviously admire the very vase I now held in my hand. I smiled as I inspected it carefully for damage, it would be interesting to see if she would recognize it…

_Please…My fantasy had taken on a new potency at this point and I can feel my body instantly responding again. Bella was pleading with me to ease her, to take her to that highest cliff of pure pleasure, and I'd known exactly what to do. Nothing had mattered at that moment other then taking her to that place of bliss that her body so desperately needed; nothing had mattered but her – her need, her fulfillment, her pleasure. I'd wanted so very much to feel her shatter beneath me, around me, to be the sole cause, the sole witness of her climax, but something had changed, my control had begun to slip away, again. _

_Why?_

The final item is a box, made of the finest rosewood with inlaid designs delicately curving around its edges. A keepsake box the proprietor had informed me, and I had him add a small silver plate engraved with our names and the date of our wedding. I'd been enchanted with the idea of Bella filling the box with small nonsensical trinkets from our time here. Perhaps a pretty seashell or one of the brightly coloured parrot plumes that we would undoubtedly find when I took her to the other side of the island. Or perhaps a small carefully dried and preserved wildflower from one of many that I would place in her new vase each and every morning…

The ending moments of my fantasy suddenly consume all of my thoughts and attention. The search for thank you gifts grind to a halt, and the items now scattered around this small room no longer exist for me. Lists of things needed and those already taken care of vanish, and so too does any incomplete chore or task that may remain. There is only this moment when I teeter on the brink of self discovery, and finally,_ finally_ things become clear. I was in my previous fantasies so consumed with my own mind, my own thoughts and fears, I'd forgotten completely my one saving grace. Bella.

Only she had the power it would seem to save me from myself. In my last daydream, I'd conjured her so perfectly that even Alice's visions had been touched by my illusions. It was this fact that had made all the difference, this fact that had rendered the beast so powerless. Every expression, every fluid movement of her body in my erotic reverie, had been taken from real memories of her. This time, in my mind, I was actually making love _with_ Bella. My previous attempts had been taken on as though I needed to envision a way to accomplish a task. As though making love to my exquisitely, beautiful wife would be a chore I had to endure or accomplish rather than the most singular and precious moment of my existence.

I was suddenly filled with a sense of shame as I remembered my former attempts at fantasizing about my wedding night. I'd created an image of Bella, of her body, and I'd tried to perform the rudimentary mechanics of sexual intercourse on her. Disgusted with myself, I now realize why my baser side, my beast, had found it so easy to have his way. Making love to Bella would be a gift that no matter how unworthy I might think myself to be, Bella believed differently. My beautiful sweet girl wanted to give me the one real and true gift she felt she had to give, the final manifestation of her love in the purest physical form. Would I accept it, claim it with fear and antipathy? The very thought that I would do so is repugnant. Bella deserves better than that from me.

Suddenly the once inviting and spacious rooms of the house feel claustrophobic and restrictive. I try to shake off the feeling and make my way back to the bedroom, still lost in my new found revelations.

In a large armoire in the corner I find a fresh sheet and fold it several times into a flat, rectangular shape. I fold the covers back on the bed and lay the sheet down in the center, trying to clinically imagine the best placement.

My mind has arrived at the last and final puzzle that had driven me to make this trip. How to claim Bella's virginity, how to purposely spill her blood, and remain in control of my sanity.

I frown at the sheet, grateful at least to see that with carefully dim lighting she may never notice its presence. I do not doubt that she has worried somewhat herself about this particular problem, but her faith in me is so unshakeable I am certain she hasn't worried near enough. I'm also fairly certain that she has equated my ability to be in her company, seemingly unaffected, during her monthly cycles, to mean I could do the same during our initial joining. She is, of course, quite wrong. Menstrual blood, especially Bella's menstrual blood, is still stimulating, but it lacks the potency required to instil blood-lust. Only freshly spilled blood has that power, and when I tear past the thin barrier of her hymen, freshly spilled blood is exactly what I will get.

Couple that fact with the scent of her arousal and the force of my own lust, and she and I have the makings of a disaster on our hands. There is the slim possibility that she will not bleed, but it is so slim as to be laughable. Especially considering how tiny Bella is, and the unfortunate fact that we have kept all attempts at practice strictly above the waist. The fact that there are still a few weeks before the wedding has me seriously reconsidering that rule.

There is one other way, one that makes me feel like a cold hearted bastard at the thought of even suggesting it. Still, I can't help but wonder if would be better to ask Bella to visit a physician and have the matter taken care of?

I had even approached Carlisle on the subject, and he had assured me that it could be done quite easily and with only a modicum of discomfort for Bella. However, the mere thought of asking her to do such a thing had sickened me. How much of a coward would I have to be to ask that of her?

Not to mention the fact that a primal deeply rooted side of me had positively abhorred the idea for rather archaic and purely male reasons. No man had, nor ever would have, the gift of her innocence. 

_That. Was. Mine._

_**What a waste that she should give you such a gift.**_

I snarl low in the back of my throat. I'd thought I had silenced _him,_ thought I'd pushed him far enough into the corner that he'd have his tail between his legs. He had to know he was losing this battle.

_**Shall I show you, dear boy, what I would do with such a gift?**_

_My mind is violently assaulted with an image. Bella naked on the bed, me between her legs. With one quick violent thrust I penetrate her body, and she writhes beneath me. Pulling away, dropping to my knees at the end of the bed, tugging her body to the edge, lowering my face down between her wide spread thighs…_

"ENOUGH!"

My roar fills the room and the ungoverned sound and volume shatters the mirror above the dresser and the large window. They disintegrate into tiny slivers of glass and the sickening, alluring images shut off abruptly, as though I've hit a switch.

The last few shards fall to the ground, and every nocturnal, singing, chirping, living thing on this island is silenced.

Spinning on my heel, I leave the house and head for the beach in search of some small fragment of my former resolve.

The beast is silent, but smug.

* * *

><p>AN Frequently asked questions -

_How many chapters are planned/written?_

10 in total. 8 chapters and a 2 part epilogue.

_Will Bella and Edward be together at all in this story?_

Yes, they will. All of this is leading up to...well if you haven't guessed, I won't spoil it. ;-)

Thanks for reading.

Aleea


	7. Cathartic Revelation

**Thorough**

x~x**  
><strong>

_We seek not rest, but transformation.  
>We are dancing through each other as doorways.<em>

Marge Piercy

* * *

><p>AN - The urge to tear this chapter apart and completely re-write was brutal. In the end I've made mostly cosmetic changes only. It's not something I think I'd ever write now, but that's all part of the journey. If I give in and make drastic changes now, 2 yrs after the fact, than I will have compromised the entire idea of what I was trying to do. So...it is what it is...

Lyrics contained in this chapter are from the song Cathartic. It's written by Jeff Martin, The Tea Party. No copyright infringement intended or implied.

**This is the first and only time I've ever - _or will ever_ - put lyrics into a chapter. The song is fitting both in mood and phrasing, and I couldn't resist. Meh, it was a one-time indulgence.**

Thanks for reading, guys! You are all the best readers an FF writer could ask for and that is not just lip service. I consider myself incomparably lucky for all the support you continue to show. xo

Aleea

* * *

><p><em>The last few shards of glass fall to the ground and every nocturnal, singing, chirping, living thing is silenced. Spinning on my heel I leave the house and head for the beach in search of some small fragment of my former resolve.<em>

_The beast is silent but smug_. (Thorough chapter 6)

**Chapter 7 **

**Cathartic Revelation**

. . . . . .

Frustrated, I pace back and forth across the sand determined not to let my dark side win this fight. The night sky is beginning to lighten. I can feel my time here running short and it adds to my agitation. I have plans for the daylight hours – plans that include making minor repairs to the dock, and testing out the snorkelling equipment. Plans that include reacquainting myself with the island and all it has to offer in forms of entertainment – plans that _do not_ include contemplating my failure at imagining the successful outcome of making love with my wife.

Honestly, what male fails at sexual fantasy? I snort out loud in derision. I cannot lay all the blame on my vampire physiology, on this inner 'beast'. I am a rational being with as much control over the darker side of my personality as anyone else. It is my own thoughts and doubts and fears that he voices. My dark disturbing fantasy that he has just shown me. I can accept that, however disquieting it may be. Blood and lust are inextricably entwined for my kind. What I cannot accept is my failure at something as mundane and common as erotic fantasy. The first step to success after all, is believing that my goal can be achieved, and I am failing; why?

Damn it, I sound like a chapter from a new age self help book. I could practically write one. Maybe Bella wouldn't mind me spending money on her if she knew I'd earned it losing my God…damned…mind.

Perhaps it is my lack of dreaming ability that is making this so difficult? After all I have not slept nor dreamt in over 80 years. Perhaps I no longer have the capacity to blatantly ignore the warnings of reality?

I snort again, thoroughly disgusted with myself. I should be able to do that regardless, it isn't all that difficult. It's not as if I haven't done it before. Before I'd agreed to _try _my mind had been rampant with images ranging from tender to positively raunchy. Bella on a blanket beneath me in our meadow, Bella up against the wall in my kitchen, on her knees in her stuffy little bedroom, in my bed, in my car …

The difference of course was that those fantasies had come at a time when I'd believed the achievement of them was unthinkable. It had seemed harmless enough, if a bit frustrating, to daydream about something I could never have, at least not until she was transformed from fragile human to indestructible immortal.

Sighing, and desperately in need of some type of distraction, I wade back into the water intending to give the dock a more thorough inspection. The water feels almost shockingly warm, and the parallels between it and the feelings I have when Bella presses her body to mine are intriguing.

The wind has picked up, and clouds have begun to cover the blanket of stars as a small tropical storm blows in from the east. Small yet strong waves break against my immovable body, and again I feel the similarities of its motion in comparison to Bella. I move out slowly until I am submerged to the chest and let the sensations I am experiencing take over. The warmth, the wetness, the rocking, pulsing waves against my flesh, is suddenly and intensely intimate, as though the ocean itself is embodying her. Groaning softly, I am instantly and painfully hard.

It occurs to me that the water could be more useful to me than merely for the forms of entertainment and recreation I'd originally intended. I'd known when I'd made my choice to bring Bella here for our honeymoon that the beach and the ocean would greatly please her. I know she has missed the sun and heat of her former home. Being able to grant her such a small thing as a lazy afternoon lolling on a sun soaked beach or swimming in clear, warm water had pleased me immensely. Now, however, I was beginning to see some other advantages that would be much more beneficial to our goals. I'd already taken into account the benefits of the sweltering tropical heat, but could this warm water also be a boon to us?

I raise my hand and touch it to the skin of my face. Though I have only been in the water a few minutes, I can already notice a slight increase in the temperature of my skin. Given enough time it's likely that I might actually be able to hold Bella in my arms without making her teeth chatter. That thought is very pleasing indeed, and I instantly begin to recognize other benefits.

I return to the issue of Bella's virginity and cringe slightly. The thought of causing her pain infuriates me, but there is little I can do besides the obvious to avoid it. I will take my time. I will do everything possible to ready her, to arouse her, and though I abhor the idea of her discomfort, I have resolved myself to the inevitably of that basic biological fact. Unfortunately, when it comes to the other unavoidable biological fact, that of her bleeding, I have made no such resolve. My only logical solution beyond the already discarded idea of medical intervention is to merely not breathe. Again, however, that little solution's success rests solely on the tenuous threads of my abilities at controlling my inner beast and his base desires and impulses. Even just the knowledge of Bella's blood being spilled between her creamy skinned thighs will surely drive him and I mad. Not breathing, not inhaling that pure, sweet, delectable, torturous scent, is no guarantee of her safety.

The water could prove to be my greatest ally. I frown at this thought as two complete medical degrees assault me with their combined knowledge of the female anatomy. Vaginal penetration in water, while certainly accomplishable, isn't always wise or without consequence, and for a first experience it certainly wasn't ideal. Still, I cannot in good conscience dismiss the idea entirely. If I take her for the first time in the warm embrace of the water, I will only need to hold my breath for the merest fraction of a minute. Just long enough to enter her fully and break past the barrier of her innocence before moving us both away from the scene of the crime using the full extent of my speed. It isn't the perfect solution; traces of her blood will still remain even after we've moved. However, I am fairly certain that my control is strong enough to handle trace amounts.

Groaning, I tilt my head back and just barely refrain from roaring at the newly cloud heavy sky above me in frustration. Analyzing my coming wedding night in such cold, clinical ways seems vaguely wrong, as if I'm sacrificing all romance and mystery. But once again I _can't_ allow awkwardness or unease to make me avoid shedding light on any area that may makes things easier for us. The single truth of this matter is that while I may want perfection, it may not be mine, _ours_, to have.

The waves break against me with more force now, and I can feel the storm coming closer. The sensation is mildly erotic, and I am slightly ashamed that even my clinical evaluations and the contemplation of Bella's pain at our joining have done nothing to diminish my previous arousal.

I force these feelings away and close my eyes, tilting my head back even farther. I let the image of Bella float to the forefront of my mind and focus on her features. Her long, silky hair curling in glistening mahogany coloured waves around her heart shaped face, her dark brown eyes dancing with thoughts of me, of us. The love that emanates from them is my strength, and I grasp hold, vowing this time I will not let go.

_I never wanted to be a simple man_  
><em>I'd rather live all my days as a lion<em>, _t__han a thousand as a lamb_  
><em>I only wanted to see<em>, w_hat would happen to me_  
><em>If I followed the road that leads to the palace we all seek<em>

I can feel _him_ again, tying to press closer and I allow it. The love in Bella's eyes never falters.

"Do you see? She knows all there is to know. She is not afraid of you."

_**Does she?**_ Mocking again. _**I could show her things, things she doesn't know. I could make her afraid.**_

He is expecting me to force him back to a quiet corner of my thoughts, but I don't. This is the final battle between us concerning Bella, and I will show him now the one reason that he cannot win.

"You have had your chances over and over again, but you are not stronger than me." It is my turn to mock him, and he snarls even louder.

"_**You think you can best me with your self control?"**_

"I won't need to." The light in my mind is brightening.

_Did you come here lamenting what you missed?_  
><em>Overcome and seduced by this, the beautiful abyss<em>  
><em>What did you come here to see, what are you trying to be<em>  
><em>You're like a shadow that swallows life, now you're crawling over me<em>

His laughter is a long, drawn out growl, laced with violence, humour. "_**We'll see."**_

"Have you forgotten everything, Beast? Are you so arrogant that you cannot admit defeat even now? I have tasted her blood. It has run through my mouth and down my throat in all its glorious temptation. Never has anything been so sweet, so life altering, so consuming."

"_**And yet you stopped!"**_ His rage is palpable now, his tone laced with the utmost contempt, the secret part of me that hasn't quite let go of how rapturous the taste of her had been.

"What I felt was insignificant." My own tone is light, flippant. I let it go, all of it, because it's true. The slower half of me rages.

"_**Insignificant?"**_

"You forget what else I felt in that moment. I felt Bella's life slipping away, I felt it draining with each greedy taste, and I knew that nothing, nothing, would ever sustain me if she was gone. A life without her is no life at all, and I beat you. You can offer me no greater temptation than her blood, and you can offer no greater reward than her life, be it human or vampire. There is no longer any possibility that you can win." I have come to my final conclusion, and I understand for the first time where my power truly rests.

_The times come again_  
><em>It's nearing the end<em>  
><em>But I feel no shame<em>  
><em>Do you feel the same?<em>  
><em>Because I know I'll be alright<em>  
><em>If I make it through tonight<em>  
><em>Well I swear I'll try to change<em>  
><em>Once again<em>

In my mind's eye, I watch as Bella's smile grows. She understands. My epiphany is finally almost complete.

My last fear spills out, spoken in my head in the guise of a beast.

"_**Yes. By all means take her, rut with her, and while pleasure consumes you, I will consume her. Here, thousands of miles away from Carlisle, your pathetically weak family….."**_

I don't let the thought finish. So many things I've failed to understand, but no more. I don't need to be more powerful than this dark side of myself, but I am because of her, because of love. "You underestimate me," I say out loud for the benefit of completion. "You underestimate love. Worse than all of that, you underestimate Bella."

_**She is nothing**_.

False and he knows it, the feeling of his presence is already fading, his grip on my mind slipping. One last push is all he needs, all I need to be the man, the husband, she needs me to be.

_Innocence is a face that always lies_  
><em>Innocence is a wish for some<em>, _but it's something I can't buy_  
><em>What are you trying to prove<em>, s_o many mountains to move_  
><em>And all your demons are heaven sent<em>  
><em>My lost cathartic friend<em>

"She is everything." I strengthen the image of Bella in my mind once again until she is so vivid it is almost painful. Her smile is transcendent.

"Look at her, Beast, she sees you. She sees us. There is nothing you can show her, tell her, that she doesn't already know, and still her love never falters."

I reach out, wishing she were here, wishing I could touch her, and speak the final truth.

"I don't have to defeat you, she already has."

. . . . . .

* * *

><p>AN - One last chapter before the 2 part epilogue. Again, thanks for reading. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Thorough**

~x~

"All fantasy should have a solid base in reality."

Max Beerholm

~x~

* * *

><p><em>I reach out, wishing she were here, wishing I could touch her, and speak the final truth.<em>

_"I don't have to defeat you, she already has." _(Thorough, chapter 7)

. . . . . .

Chapter 8

Going With the Flow

. . . . . .

The small, tropical storm begins to unleash its force in earnest now. The wind swirls against the water, over the sand and through the trees. I hold her in my thoughts light as a treasure.

"_Bella"_.

Using every force within my being, I call her. I latch on to the power of the storm and harness the energy, and I call her. I become one with the island, with the ocean, and I call her. I tap into powers beyond understanding, and I call her.

_"Bella."_

The whispers of the dancing leaves in their bowers of branches, the scrape of sand spiraling against the shore, all touch my ears like the softest of sighs. And then she is there, standing in the wind and the sand with her hair blowing around her. I know she is nothing more than a spectre in my mind, but every inch of her is perfect and vivid, more real than imagined. She sees me in the water and laughs.

"_Edward."_

_I move through the waves and the pounding surf, past the limits of my imagination, and her smile is something more than transcendent now. She is the most magnificent creature imaginable. She laughs again as I sweep her into my arms._

_"__I was beginning to think you'd never get it, Edward__." She touches my face and leans in, rests her lips against my own and whispers softly, fiercely. "__I love you.__"_

_Groaning, I crush my lips to hers striving for as much pressure as possible while maintaining control of my strength. _

I will not hurt her, and for the first time those words are more than an admonishment, they are truth.

Careful. Gentle. Slow.

Not even in imagination will I rush one second of this moment.

_She sighs against my lips, and opens her mouth to me. I contemplate kissing her the way I never have before, but only for a moment. Not even in fantasy will I take any risk that may cause her harm. Instead, I let her lick softly at the corners of my closed mouth and hold her closer._

_"__I need you, Edward__," her voice soft, and yearning as I take her inside._

_The white bed is pristine, the covers pulled back. Broken glass from the mirror and window is nonexistent, and hundreds of tiny flickering candles cover every surface. The white, sheer curtains blow into the room, dancing in on a gentle humid breeze. I push the storm away until the only sound is the ocean waves that wash against the shore in a soft constant rhythm that matches Bella's heartbeat exactly._

_"__I need you, Bella__," my voice is soft, yearning._

_I undress her with slow reverence, placing soft kisses along every inch of skin I bare; her creamy shoulders, her arms, the dip and curve of her waist, until she stands before me naked._

Careful. Gentle. Slow.

The words have become a chant in my mind, a prayer, a reminder.

_She slides against me, her flesh so warm, so fragrant, so perfect... _

All around me reality coalesces to mimic the actions in my mind. Warmth, wetness, strong waves that pulse and press against my cold flesh as though nature itself seeks to empower my fantasy.

_Her heartbeat begins to increase, and a soft dew of perspiration breaks out on the skin beneath my fingertips._

_"__Edward oh"…__I can feel her body beginning to wake against me with arousal. The quicker flow of blood within her veins calls to me like a siren song._

Careful.

_Her mouth is impossibly sweet... _

The salt water taste of the spray against my face makes my vision stronger, brighter. This is how Bella will taste here on this humid island; sweet perfection, damp with salt, spiced with the fragrance of her blood, her desire. My erection is almost painful now, my need for her raging harder than the storm.

Gentle.

_I place my hand behind her knees, another behind her back, and swing her gently off her feet to lie on the bed. She makes a soft sound of pleasure as I lay beside her and turns her body towards me. I want to worship her, ravish her, touch every glorious inch of her satin skin, and taste every part of her._

Slow.

"_Touch me, Edward"_, _her voice takes on a huskier edge. The beginning stages of her desire make her braver now, and she guides my hand to her breast._

_Moaning, I cup the perfect curve of her and watch her eyes dilate with the sensation. Her nipple tightens against the tips of my fingers as I caress her the way I've learned she likes, waiting until each one is swollen and firm before flicking my thumb against the tips. Her breath leaves her in a rush that carries my name. She whimpers with her back arching against my hand._

_"__Kiss me__," she moans._

_I pull her on top of me and press her close. Our mouths taste, sip, suck, lick greedily at each others, and her breathing becomes erratic. Her heartbeat is racing now, and I can feel it against my own chest like a shared life force. When she pulls away to catch her breath, I press my lips against the throbbing vein of her neck and inhale._

Careful.

My hands are eager now in this fantasy, influenced by the storm around me. I can't get enough of the feel of her.

_Her moans are no longer soft as I slide my hands down her back, over her perfect, tight bottom, and down to the backs of her thighs. With a soft tug, I encourage her to part her legs, to straddle my hips. Our bodies come together in total intimacy, and she gasps and rocks against me, her need growing at the evidence of mine. Her heat is scalding._

Gentle

_I roll her back over, covering her precious body with my own, sealing my mouth to hers and groaning her name again and again. My hands explore her stomach, her hips. I tease her breasts with my fingers, my lips, the tip of my tongue until she writhes beneath me. I imagine her to be like the storm, wild but tempered, and when my hand moves between her legs the wind in my ears is her soft cry of ecstasy. I stroke her, caress her, tease her until her wetness soaks my hand and her body arches over and over against me, and then I can wait no more._

Slow.

I pound my body with my mind, slam it into submission through sheer force of will.

_Drawing her arms up around my neck, I kiss her mouth, and murmur her name with every ounce of adoration and love I can find within me. Slowly, slowly I press closer, feeling her body opening to mine._

Outside of my fantasy the ocean water feels warmer, and my hips move against the pulling, sucking tide.

_With perfect control I join our bodies, and she gasps at my entry. I watch her eyes darken in the pain I know is unavoidable. Slowly, I move, my body still my own, still mine to control. I inhale the scent of her blood using every memory I have of Bella to sharpen the edge, to make it as real as possible._

_"__Edward, oh__, __yes." __Bella's body is quickening once again, her pain blissfully receding as I move in a shallow, temperate rhythm, being as careful as possible. Her words disarm the call of her blood._

_Gently I cup her hip, drawing her up to me, helping her move._

Using the waves around my body I match my movements in the fantasy to each roll of the water, scanning Bella's face, her eyes, searching for remembered expressions of sexual desire. I play those expressions over and over using every one for guidance now.

The storm is building outside my body and within my mind. The electrical impulses in the air remind me of the sensations against the tips of my fingers that rainy night in her room. My perfect memory, and the perfect guide to recognizing and achieving Bella's satisfaction. That small moment, that tiny orgasm she'd experienced, had taught me that my immortal powers and senses could detect things that a human man could not. I had carried that knowledge in a corner of my mind, guarded under lock and key. I unlock it now as I will again on my wedding night and every moment in eternity that Bella graces me with her love, her body. She cannot hide from me, and that gift alone is worth a million sacrifices. Her heartbeat, her breathing, the rush of blood through her veins and that electric spark, all perfect measurements of her escalating needs and pleasure.

_In my mind I watch as each one of these things evolves beneath me now. Her pleasure is the complete marker of my own, each spiking heartbeat, her rising body heat, each panting breath laced with soft cries. It is all too much so powerful is my desire, and yet not enough, not enough…_

The power of my fantasy is waning; my envisioned Bella begins to fade. The white bed once again becomes the churning, white-capped waters as I open my eyes. I have reached the limits of my imagination. My mind cannot fully conjure an image as perfect as the one I hope to bring to life in just a few short weeks. Like the fantasy, the storm is letting go of its grip and drifting farther away, leaving me shaken, battered, and gloriously free.

I do not delude myself. Making love to Bella will be no less dangerous now than it was before I came to the island. Reality cannot be abandoned no matter how successful my fantasies are, and yet finally, for the first time, I have more than just hope. I have come to terms with my inner beast, come to terms with my doubts, my fears, my insecurities, and finally I truly understand what it means to be at peace with myself.

I leave the waters embrace, eager to accomplish my last few tasks. There is a dock to repair, broken glass to be cleaned, a new window and mirror to be ordered. Scuba equipment not yet tested, a final inspection of the house not yet completed, but most of all, the most important thing of all, a woman, beautiful, desirable, and unequivocally mine, waiting for me to come home.

. . . . . .

* * *

><p>AN - Next comes the epilogue. Time to find out if all Edward's hard work will 'pay off'. ;-) I hope you'll all come back to find out.

Thanks to everyone who is reading. xo

Aleea


	9. The Honeymoon, Part 1

**Thorough**

~x~**  
><strong>

To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.

- **William Blake**

~x~

* * *

><p><span>Epilogue, Part One <span>

The Honeymoon Begins

. . . . . .

The water feels warmer tonight than it was just a few short weeks ago; the night sky even brighter with every square inch lit by stars. As I wade out enjoying the warmth of the water against my cold skin, I can't help but wonder how reliable my current senses are. Back on the island with Bella at my side, everything seems infinitely more beautiful than it had before.

I stop waist deep in the ocean and finally allow the full force of my happiness, my all consuming joy, to bloom in full. If someone were to see me now with this ridiculous grin bearing my teeth to the world, they'd probably be frightened. The thought only makes me smile more.

I close my eyes, replaying in my mind the single most glorious day in my existence. My wedding day. Our wedding day. Finally Bella is my wife, joined to me for all eternity and everything is as it should be. Almost everything. There is still the very real and impending fact of my wedding night before me. With my eyes still closed, I listen intently for the soft sounds of Bella's steady heartbeat. The sound is my anchor. I focus on it, feeling my emotions slowly even out.

She is leaving the house now, moving out across the sand. It has taken her a very long time to ready herself, and I know that she is much more nervous than she is letting on. Her bravery, her faith in me and in us, still amazes me, especially now in the face of what we are about to do.

I hear her pause, and I take a second to inhale her scent in a familiar practice of immurement. The intoxicating floral aroma of her skin and her blood arouses my thirst, but the fiery burn in my throat is nothing in comparison to the ache that sweeps my body. I am equal parts eager and nervous about what is to come.

I hear the water lap against her skin and then she is there. Despite my nerves, I begin to relax. With her next to me I am whole. Her steady, constant heartbeat wraps itself around me as does her scent, and they do more to calm me than she could know or understand.

I turn slowly to face her, awed by the way the moonlight kisses her skin and makes it glow with a radiance almost unspeakably beautiful. Her beautiful, dark eyes stare calmly into mine, and though it is not possible for an immortal such as myself to drown, if it were, her eyes are where I would gladly find my end.

"You are so beautiful."

Like me she has left the pretence of clothing behind. There is no longer any room for secrets between us, and once again she makes me humble with her trust. She allows me to look at her, and though I can feel the heat of her blush and hear her increased heart rate she makes no move to hide from me. She has never understood how breathtakingly lovely she is. I on the other hand have always known she was perfect, I just have never known it as completely as I do now.

If I had breath she would take it away.

If I had a heart capable of beating it would have stopped at just the very sight of her.

If I have a soul, it is hers.

"More than beautiful." There are no words to describe her, and my inadequacies at attempting to do so mock me.

"So are you." She smiles and laughs before sliding into my arms, moving slowly, pressing a soft kiss to my chest. "So, here we are." Her words are only a whisper, and her warm breath on my cool skin is the sweetest sensation.

I swallow past the sudden lump in my throat. Such a perfectly human reaction, yet I am not surprised to feel it. Bella makes me feel more like a mortal man than I have any right to.

"Yes." I know what she means. _Here_ on the island, _here_ on our honeymoon, finally husband and wife, but more than that, much more. _Here_, together, _just us_, alone with our promises to one another.

"Still not too late to back out." Her voice is teasing, but her expression is much too serious as she tips her head back to look at me. Her eyes study my face, searching for reassurance, searching for me.

I raise my hand and trace the features that are more precious to me than anything in the world. "Have you finally come to your senses, love?" I purposely keep my tone light, only wanting to erase the look of insecurity. "Just when I've finally resigned myself to the most unpleasant and arduous task of having to consummate my wedding vows with my horribly unattractive, thoroughly unsexy..."

She rolls her eyes before covering my mouth with her hand. "Edward Cullen! I swear if you say the word wife after all those insults, I will..."

I laugh around her fingers, watching with delight as she searches for a suitable threat. Before she can react I move my hands to her waist, and with one quick movement I lift her up until her face is level with my own. Her squeak of surprise is unbelievably adorable, and I laugh a bit more as her hands fly away from my mouth and grab onto my shoulders.

"Say that again," I demand.

She scowls at me in reprimand and confusion. "Say what?" Her voice is slightly breathless, and I feel a jolt of arousal sweep over me in reaction.

"Say, _wife_."

"Oh,"

Her scowl disappears, and as much as I love her kittenish temper it is nothing in comparison to the pure joy I feel at watching her happiness.

"Wife," she repeats, her smile continuing to grow, but now taking on that mischievous twinkle that purely defines Bella the woman, separates her from Bella the girl.

"Edward Cullen's wife. Mrs. Edward Cullen to you, to be exact." She wraps her arms around my neck, and I obligingly pull her closer until our foreheads touch. Her playful smile fades, becomes more secret, impossibly more alluring as her naked breasts press against my chest, her thighs against mine.

Whispering again, the sweet scent of her all around me, her moist breath in my face, against my lips. "Your wife. Yours forever, always yours."

My groan is unspeakably loud in comparison to her soft murmurs, and though I would listen to her say these words for infinity and never feel them lose their power, I need to kiss her. I remember at the last second to be gentle, and then I can't think a single rational thought as she moans against my lips.

The burning ache to have her is a fire inside my mind, but I content myself with drinking in the intoxicating flavour of her mouth. I want this night to be all that she could ever dream, and to rush this would be so wrong on more levels than I care to contemplate.

Of course my resolve and Bella's will have never matched, and tonight is no exception. Her fingers tighten around me, then snake up to tangle in my hair, tugging me closer. Her hot little tongue slips from her mouth, and she licks against my lower lip with a soft but lethal moan. I feel her move as though to press closer, and I break the kiss, dragging my lips away from hers reluctantly. If she has her way, I will be inside of her in a mere matter of minutes.

She whimpers at the loss of my kiss as I place her back on her feet, and I smile softly, waiting for her eyes to open. When they do it is my turn to moan at the look of desire that makes her all the more radiant. Her lips are swollen from my greedy kisses, her cheeks flushed with pleasure. I can feel the tips of her breasts erect with desire, and it's all I can do to keep my hands at her waist. I've waited so long to touch her, really touch her.

"Slowly, love." My warning makes her blush, and she takes a hesitant step back, making me curse my words and the sudden flash of insecurity I see they've caused. I pull her back to me, brushing a wayward strand of hair from her face. "We shouldn't rush this; I don't want you to hurt." I can't resist trailing a wet finger over her red, puffy, lower lip, and when her tongue darts out to touch the tip of my finger my actions almost negate my words.

"You won't hurt me, Edward." Her breathless voice only adds to my desire.

I manage a smile at her encouragement. "Not exactly what I mean, love."

She looks uncertain, and her eyebrow arches in question.

"This is your first time, Bella. If we move too quickly you'll suffer unnecessarily, do you understand?" Her eyes light up with comprehension and then darken in embarrassment. Continuing, wanting to ease her discomfort, I kiss her once, softly. "I _will_ make love to you tonight. We will be husband and wife in the most intimate way. Trust me, love, I only want to make this good for you, I only want to please you."

"I trust you, Edward, you know that." I do, and her trust is more than enough to ease some of my fears. I say one last final prayer that I will be worthy of her, and then I gather her close.

I kiss her, again, unable to help myself as she sighs and relaxes against me. She shivers slightly as I pass more kisses over her cheek and along her jaw, and finally, just beneath her tiny shell-like ear.

"Are you cold, love?" If she is I'm going to need to rethink some of my plans, but she shakes her head.

"Are you kidding, it's like a hundred degrees here."

I chuckle softly. "Yes well, _I tried to think of everything that would make this…easier."_

"Umm," she murmurs softly, half moan half acknowledgement as I let my tongue touch the silky skin on the base of her throat. "So, is this where you were a few weeks ago?"

She is, as always, far too intuitive, and I can't help but smile as I brush my lips up and down the side of her neck, teasing and relishing her fluttering heart beats. "Yes."

"It's so beautiful here; I can't wait to see it in the daylight." Her words are growing breathless as she arches her neck, trying to get me to go lower.

I give her what she wants with my own soft moan of acknowledgement, letting her know I've heard her even if I don't answer. I trace the dip in flesh where her neck meets her shoulder, and her hands once again tighten in my hair. This time I don't stop her. Moving to the other side of her neck, I repeat the caress in its entirety and she whimpers, shifting restlessly against me.

That delicate little whimper is so erotic I linger there, coaxing more of those sounds.

My hands, however, do not linger. I begin slowly to learn the perfect curves and angles of her body, mesmerized by the feel of her. Each bump on her spine fascinates me, the swell of her hips enchants me, and I am enthralled by the tender skin on her bottom, the backs of her satiny thighs. While my hands explore so too does my mouth, and Bella is incredibly, sweetly responsive to every touch.

I taste the familiar skin of her collarbones while my hand moves to caress her waist and the shockingly fragile ribs that always seem to startle me with their resilience. And finally I cup one of her breasts, her soft whimper of encouragement making me suddenly and painfully hard. She perfectly fills the palm of my hand, all warm, lush, and delicately curved.

Her head has fallen back in ecstasy, and she shudders against my hand as I gently sweep my thumb over her nipple. It hardens instantly against my touch, and I quickly move to lavish the same attention on the other, carefully arching her back over my arm to give myself greater access. She's trembling in earnest now. Soft cries tumble from her mouth, making my entire body ache with pleasure the likes of which I've never known.

My mouth sweeps over the hollow at the base of her throat and slowly moves lower. Her skin tastes like salt water and heaven. I want so very much to take her breast into my mouth, to suckle each tiny, perfect, pink, dusky, point. To do so would be absurdly reckless with my razor sharp teeth, so I settle for brushing my slightly open mouth over her. I press moist kisses over the soft swells and all around her nipples until she makes a frustrated little growl and says my name like a plea.

"Edward."

Her skin is cooler here as opposed to the heat beneath my hand that supports her back. I blow softly against each nipple, watching in amazement as they tighten even further. Carefully, I place my mouth directly onto the tip, letting my tongue fully taste her for the first time. Her reaction is almost violent, her body arching even more of her breast against me so that I'm forced to snap my head back.

"Careful, love," I groan, striving for some semblance of control, trying in vain to warn her of the dangers.

"Edward, please," she gasps. Her need is moving her past the realm of awareness of all the things she needs to be cautious of.

I have no power to resist her, and all I can do is plead with her not to move as I place my mouth back against her nipple. I trace each one with the tip of my tongue over and over, using the hand that does not support her to add to her bliss, cupping her, stroking her with fingers and thumb, lavishing her with attention and pleasure. I memorize every inch of satin skin beneath my lips and fingers, and she arches against me again, though I don't admonish her for it this time. Instead, I dangerously encourage her by repeating the touch that seemed to give her so much pleasure.

Moving my kisses back up her chest and neck, I pull her forward. "Wrap your legs around me, sweetheart." My voice has ceased to sound like my own, and her eyes open. She moves carefully and then she's there, wrapped around me. I growl at the contact of flesh on flesh. Her heat is unbelievably pleasurable, and I want so badly to bury myself inside of her body.

Instead, I take a few steps back into shallower water and slide my hand down into the small gap that still exists between us, right between the cradle of her thighs. The instant my fingers make contact with her secret heat, her eyes close and her head falls back.

"Oh…my…God, Edward, yes…" She's instantly trembling, and my own growl of pure lust spins out over her words. I was not prepared for the feeling of her, so ripe and swollen and soft. She is slippery with her need and I groan again, this time in utter male approval. The wetness is so silky, and the smell of her...God, the smell of her is intoxicating.

"Bella." Words leave my brain completely. I can only say her name, though I ache to sing her praises. The urge to be inside of her, to ease the fierce ache of my arousal in her warmth, grows.

Tightening every muscle in my body, I push the primal instinct to take her away from my thoughts. I focus only on her and the task that now lies before me. Slowly I caress the folds of her sex, opening her body to my touch, learning her. Her clitoris is plump and firmly swollen, and I draw the wetness at her opening up to cover the tiny bud, circling it slowly. Her thighs clamp harder around my waist and she convulses against me.

Carefully, I move one finger to the opening of her body and tease the tender flesh. The time has come and I groan her name as I ease one finger gently inside. I can feel the proof of her innocence stretching around my finger, nothing more than a thin layer of skin and the last real barrier between my sanity and my salvation.

I add a second finger, fighting every lust filled instinct raging through my mind. The tight hot clutch of her is a thousand times more arousing than I could have ever imagined. The first sign of Bella's discomfort shows in the sudden furrowing of her brow, and the tightening of her eyelids. I press my thumb against her clitoris, rocking it against her, desperately trying to outweigh her pain with pleasure. I wrap every one of my senses around her, over her, and focus every fibre of my being on her reactions. I hear the throbbing, rapid beat of her heart, every sigh and moan. Her scent is everywhere, my nose and lungs filled with her, the taste of her all over my tongue. I can feel her muscles clenching, and finally what I've been waiting for; the tiny sparking electric darts against my fingertips.

"Bella, open your eyes, love. Look at me."

Her eyes open. They are so dark and vibrant it's almost too much for my tenuous control. A blush of color is moving from her face, down her throat, and over the top of her chest, making her impossibly even more beautiful. She is close. I move my thumb faster, stroking her with quick little patterns of circles, wanting her to come, needing her to come.

The more pleasure she feels the less pain...

"I love you." A vow, a truth, and a plea for forgiveness all wrapped in three simple words.

I wait until her inner muscles suddenly clench around my fingers. Wait as the first waves of her orgasm make her eyes slam shut and her head fall back. Wait as the first cry of bliss escapes her mouth. Then, and only then, do I push my fingers deeper, widening them and tearing the thin barrier of her innocence, claiming her body as mine.

_Mine._

Her cry of pleasure halts, and I feel her tighten even further at the invasion, at the stinging burn she must feel. Her breath is coming in small sporadic pants and the first scent traces of her blood reach my mind. I'd been careful and very quick, and the amount of bleeding is very small. No more than a few drops. Still, I quit breathing and move us quickly back out to deeper waters, all the while pressing gentle kisses to her brow, her cheek, her soft open mouth. I keep my fingers perfectly motionless inside of her, but continue to caress her gently with my thumb.

I move out until the water enfolds us above our waists and groan her name. The powerful smell of her blood lingers, but it is so diluted by the water and the overwhelming scent of her arousal that I find it surprisingly easy to ignore. Her trembling body begins to rock against me as I kiss her mouth, sucking softly at the smooth skin on her bottom lip. If she's in any discomfort, I cannot detect it. When I once again feel the subtle changes in her body and the static like charge that foreshadows her pleasure, I press my thumb down over her firmer.

A growl of need rumbles from my throat as she whimpers my name.

"Edward, oh…please."

Her body is eager to reclaim what it had lost to pain. The growl intensifies out of my control. I watch and read her every reaction to my touches and find a rhythm of movements that please her most. She tenses in my arms, and those sparks under her skin ignite...

"Yes, come for me, love," I whisper softly against her ear, urging her on with approval, wanting so much to give her a true climax.

Her breath freezes in her lungs, her entire body draws in tight and then she explodes, crying out my name, _mine._

I watch her, enthralled. As the final tremors of her climax recede, I remove my hand carefully. One more time I move our bodies away from the last tiny seeping traces of her blood. Not that it is even remotely necessary. Her body is all I hunger for this night.

Still clinging to me, Bella opens her eyes and looks into mine. A small blush dusts her skin in colour. Her eyes are heavy with her satiation, and I feel a jolt of pure male pride that I could bring such a look to her face.

My beautiful wife, do you have any idea how sexy you are?" I tease. My entire being feels lighter with my success thus far.

Her blush intensifies, but she still smiles. "No, but I do have an idea of how sexy, not to mention clever, my husband is." She kisses my mouth softly.

I smile back, marveling at how I can never seem to put anything past her. Still, I pretend not to know what she's implying. "Clever? Why would you say that?"

She rolls her eyes. "Seriously, Edward."

I can't help but laugh, she looks so adorable. Unable to resist teasing her further, I lean in and whisper in her ear, "Are you referring to my mind blowing abilities at making you scream?"

Her blush hits its full peak, and I feel a moments regret that there will come a day when I will no longer be able to cause such a reaction. I push it aside, determined not to let anything ruin this moment. Her impending immortality will bring rewards that will far outweigh any insignificant losses, and for now her fragile human responses are a gift I will cherish.

She frowns and shakes her head, but a glint to her eye warns me she has a comeback.

"No, I was referring to your rather innovative solution to our little problem. Or are you going to tell me all that moving around was some bizarre form of vampire foreplay? Because if you are, I have to say I wish you'd warned me. I mean, I love you and all, but if you're into some weird, kinky stuff, well, I don't know…"

She starts to laugh as my expression changes from amused to astounded, and her giggling takes some of the impact away from her next statement. "I might need a good divorce attorney." She takes a quick step away from me, still laughing. "How much money do you have exactly, because I think I'm entitled to…?"

I lunge at her, and she squeals as we go under. She pops up only a second later wrapped in my arms, still sputtering with laughter.

"Isabella Cullen, you have a very droll sense of humour. Never, ever, mention the D word in my presence again." Covering her laughing mouth with my own, I proceed to kiss her senseless. She tastes like salt water and something indefinably Bella, and I don't quit until she presses her gorgeous body against mine and moans.

"Okay," she says with a sigh when I release her. "No D word. Can I ask one question though?" Pulling away just a small amount, she trails her hand down my chest and over my stomach, pausing just above the water line. "Not that your creativity wasn't probably necessary and amazing, but I was wondering? When do we get to the good stuff?"

Her tiny hand dips beneath the water where I catch it just in time. Groaning, I sweep her off her feet and head towards the shore, brushing soft kisses over her mouth the entire way.

"Now, love. Definitely right now."

. . . . . .

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><p>AN Part 2 will be posted on Thurs or Fri depending on RL. To those of you who are reading Prey for the Wicked, a new chapter of our lovely Darkward will be uploaded tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

Aleea


	10. The Honeymoon, Part 2

A/N - Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. I apologize for not getting this posted on the date I promised, and for being so fail at replying to reviews. I'm still struggling with health issues and as a result get tired very easily. I have the best of intentions, then I fall asleep or zone out on the couch. Bleh. Whatever. I just want you all to know how much I appreciate you. :) I have the best readers in the fandom. xo

Just a small warning. _The following content contains mature subject matter meant for adult readers_ - in other words, Edward is a super stud. Please, like I could right him any other way. Lmao. If you have issues with Bella having multiple o's - some people do, I never get that, but to each his own - and don't enjoy graphic yet still romantic sex scenes, you shouldn't read.

This all still belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I just borrowed the characters and gave them the wedding night I always wanted them to have. ;-)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 10<span>

Epilogue Part 2

. . . . . .

I don't bother to hide my enthusiasm as I carry Bella with inhuman speed through the house and into the bedroom. Trepidation is alive and well, but it's being offset by my rather fierce arousal and need for her. Striving for some type of equilibrium, I set her gently on her feet, slowing both my thoughts and the speed of my actions.

Unable to bear a single minute not touching her, I cup her face and kiss her softly, measuring her heart beat and her breathing, searching for signs of fear and gratefully finding none. She smiles with her eyes still closed and makes a soft humming sound of pleasure. Again I have the instant rush of arousal that begs me to bury myself in her body without further delay. I'm thankfully successful at tamping it back down into submission. I refuse to allow my desires to dictate the pace of this night. Only hers will do that, and as I catch her steal a glance toward the washroom door, I smile.

"Want a human moment, love?"

A soft pink blush dusts the tops of her cheeks, and she smiles back shyly. "I know it's silly, we were just in the water, but the salt..." She sighs and shakes her head. "Just a quick shower, I promise I'll hurry?"

"Don't hurry, take your time. I believe I'll even use the guest shower and do the same." My reply is meant to comfort, but she arches an eyebrow in scepticism, glancing down at my feet with a frown.

"Sand doesn't even stick to your feet, does it?"

I can't help but laugh, and she scowls harder. "It really isn't fair you know, that you get to be so perfect, and I get to be so…" She gestures at the door again, searching for the right words.

"Delightful, gorgeous, endearing?" I offer, even though I know she's searching her mind for adjectives with far less positive connotations.

She continues to frown. "Human." The word is spoken with a slight sound of contempt that speaks more about her vulnerability in this moment than anything else she's said or done tonight.

"Sexy, sweet, tempting, seductive." I continue as though she'd never spoken, refusing to acknowledge such an absurd comment. I draw the tips of my fingers over her face, and her expression lightens as I continue. "Adored, treasured worshipped, loved." I could go on, but she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me with a smile. Before I can forget all the reasons why I want to take this slow, I step back away from her. "Go have your shower, love; it will give me an opportunity to get things ready for us."

She eyes me with curiosity before she nods and turns away. Despite her feelings to the contrary she walks with confidence and her own style of grace, seemingly at ease with her body. She pauses in the doorway, and looks back over her shoulder with an impish grin. "You're checking out my butt, aren't you, Mr. Cullen?"

"Absolutely, Mrs. Cullen." Her laugh is sweet, and I can almost feel the effort she is making to push past her insecurities. I love her more in this moment than I ever thought possible.

I wait until I hear the sound of her shower water running before I head for the guest room and do the same. Although she's right that my skin texture is such that even wet sand cannot find enough purchase to stay put, I too can feel the slight residue of salt left over from our swim. The thought of my skin brings an image to my mind that instantly makes me hard. Bella's hands touching me, learning my body as I learn hers, her mouth tasting me… Groaning softly, I cup my aching arousal and press my head against the shower wall. I hear the tile crack, and I curse, easing the pressure immediately. Refusing to even contemplate the tiles similarities to Bella's fragility, I quickly shut off the flow of water.

Back in the bedroom, I fight my nerves and slip on dark, cerulean blue, silk, pyjama bottoms with a smile. I'd purchased them just a few days ago, along with something for Bella as well. I know Alice has crammed Bella's suitcase full of frivolous lingerie so my purchase was technically unnecessary. I'd be lying if I said I'm not intrigued and aroused feverishly by the thought of Bella draped in some of the filmy looking nightwear I've inadvertently seen in Alice's thoughts. For tonight, however, the soft, fine silk camisole, and lace trimmed shorts with matching panties in the same cerulean blue, is the perfect match for my Bella. Slightly more sumptuous than her regular cotton attire, it's still very similar to what she would normally wear to bed. We have time enough – provided all goes well – to indulge in some of those more risqué items of clothing. For tonight, though, I wish only for her comfort and security. Despite the more casual style of this pyjama set, I'm not completely immune to details. The delicate fabric will cover more than Alice's selections, but the silky fabric will mould to her lovely body in a sensual way I hope pleases her. I already know it will please me.

Silent as a ghost I enter the washroom to lay the items on top of her towel before just as silently leaving. I'm very eager to see her wear them, but not as eager to listen to arguments about gifts. She really does need to get over that. I plan to spoil and indulge her in every way possible.

Moving to the bed, I fluff the pillows and fold down the covers, smiling with irony as I realize how glad I am that I had not destroyed it in my fit of rage just a few short weeks ago. Where once it had seemed to mock me with images of failure, now I can see it as the perfect place to lay my bride.

Moving about the room, I light a few strategically placed candles, the goal being to create a mood not add to the heat. I open the glass doors that lead to a small deck overlooking the right side of the island. From here you can see the ocean stretched out for miles, and I can already envision sitting with Bella while she enjoys her breakfast in the morning. Ironic again that I can even imagine such a pleasant after moment, where only weeks ago I'd barely been able to conceive of a pleasant before.

I take a moment to inspect the workmanship that had taken place to replace the broken glass on the doors, pleased to see it all looks perfect, almost like it was before. The memory and the reasons for why the glass had been broken in the first place are safely locked in a vault deep in my mind. I will not think of it this night.

Finally, I force myself to sit on the bed, pushing my mind back to its earlier state of calmness. I hear the water finally shut off, and I listen to Bella moving about, feeling myself relax with the familiar sounds. The rustling of towels, the slight clink and swoosh of her every movement, is hypnotic. I know each and every one off by heart, and her routine rarely varies. When she grows silent for a moment, I realize she's found the items of clothing I'd left for her.

When the door opens and she steps out, she takes my breath away. She is smiling and achingly beautiful, and I wonder that she could ever think herself plain. The blue silk sets off her skin, and the delicate lace trimmed shorts make her legs look impossibly long for one so tiny. I can't help but smile as I see that my gift has accomplished its purpose. Bella already seems more at ease.

"Thank you," she whispers, her gaze taking in my matching pants, and for once accepting a gift with grace instead of complaints. My heart seems to swell in my chest, and I hold out my hand in invitation for her to join me. She crosses the room and slips onto the end of the bed, crawling the remaining distance between us. I open my arms to her, and she slides her body over top of mine while I splay my legs slightly to cradle her against me. I can't help but groan as her heat and scent consume me in their impossibly intoxicating ways. Her body relaxes as I smooth one hand down her back, using the other to gently tangle in her hair, combing it with my fingers. Bella lays her cheek against my chest so that her every humid breath skates deliciously over my skin. She's very warm, and she sighs softly in pleasure at the feel of my cool body. Simply by touch alone I feel both our fears disintegrate, and a sense of peace seems to drift across the room. Suddenly the rightness of what we are about to do is so perfectly understandable, like the last pieces of a puzzle falling into place.

I need her the way I once needed air. Making love with her can never be wrong, so I must make it right.

Despite our mutual desires we stay that way for a long time, too content to move. I feel her body relax even more as she begins to drift off. I let her doze, knowing that she must be exhausted after such a long day. Once again I feel no need to rush this, knowing that in time we will both need more than just the simple comfort of holding one another. For now though, this is enough.

Time passes in the slow pulse of the surf against the sand, in the breeze that flutters the curtains, and in the sensual awakening of Bella's body. Subtle changes in the way she lies against me, minute changes in the way she breathes, and the soft but distinct fluttering of her heart enthral me as her desire begins to re-emerge.

Her heart, only seconds ago a steady even tempo, now skips just the tiniest amount, finding a new pace. Her breathing deepens, and the rush of blood beneath her skin seems to call my name.

Bella slowly lifts her head. Curling her hands against my chest, she rests her chin upon them. She smiles gently as she studies my face. "Did I fall asleep on you?" she murmurs.

I gently brush her hair back behind her ear. "It's been a very long day. It's understandable that you're tired."

Sighing softly, she nods in agreement. "Very long, but very wonderful."

My fingers trace the curve of her ear, and she shivers slightly in response. I make note of the reaction and instantly wonder where else I might find a hidden sensitive spot. I want to know all the places on her body, all the ways she will respond to my touch.

"You can sleep if you want," I tell her.

Her eyes darken, and she shakes her head slightly, studying me as though to gauge whether I'm trying to dissuade any continuing of our earlier activities. "No, the catnap was just enough. Unless of course _you've_ finally come to _your senses_," she teases lightly. "Which really would be a shame seeing as how _I've _just finally resolved myself to the most unpleasant and arduous task of having to consummate _my_ wedding vows with my horribly unattractive, thoroughly unsexy, _vampire_…"

I roll her beneath me in one quick move that takes her breath away. Laughing, I press my lips to hers, and her soft sigh of pleasure is beyond rewarding. I open her mouth and let my tongue sweep over hers just long enough to feel her tremble. "Minx," I groan as my kisses move to her jaw, allowing her to catch her breath.

"Hmm, such flattery…" I grin as she loses her train of thought when I brush my lips over her ear.

"Oh, so its flattery you want is it, wife?" I roll us and move to her side, crooking my elbow for support, and placing my head on my hand as I look down at her thoughtfully. My other hand rests against the flat surface of her stomach, my thumb drawing light circles over the silk, feeling the temptation of her hot skin beneath.

Smiling, she rests one hand lightly over mine. "Flattery is nice, but you are always flattering me, Edward, it's too easy for you." She purses her lips thoughtfully. "I know. You can flatter me, but you can't use the word, beautiful." She holds up a finger when she sees my amused expression. "Or any word that means beautiful, and no phrases, only one word."

"Any other rules?" I ask, delighted with her. She shakes her head, and I laugh. "Not very challenging, love."

She wrinkles her nose at me. "Fine. Only one word, beautiful and all synonyms are out," she reiterates, a mischievous twinkle spinning in her eyes. "You have to start here," she points to her head and smiles even more. "And work your way down."

"All the way down?" My voice sounds absurdly hopeful, and she laughs again, blushing slightly, her eyes dancing.

Tracing my mouth with the tip of her finger, she continues. "Yes, all the way down. Oh, and one more thing. I have complete veto power. If I say the word…new, that means your word is not acceptable and you have to find another. And you can't move until you have a better word."

I kiss the tip of her finger. "Hmm, I think I rather like this game, Mrs. Cullen."

"Well then, Mr. Cullen, perhaps you should quit wasting time and begin. You only have five seconds to come up with a word. Starting now."

Instantly I lean down and brush my mouth over her forehead. "Intelligent."

Her eyes roll in mock disgust. "New."

I chuckle, and she begins to count. "Mysterious."

She's quiet so I assume it's safe to move on. I pause just over her eyes and whisper "Captivating." Down to her nose where I press the softest kiss. "Endearing." Her mouth is next, and I brush it with mine, letting my tongue slip along her bottom lip, relishing her reactive sigh. "Tasty."

She smiles and shakes her head. "New."

"Delectable." She murmurs okay, and I kiss her once more before moving on. Down the slope of her neck, breathing softly against the hollow of her throat, I whisper. "Alluring." With a gentle touch, I brush the strap of her camisole down her arm, placing a kiss on her shoulder. "Supple."

Her breathing is losing its rhythm.

Lower, past her collarbones, shifting my entire body so that I can run my mouth over each breast. I use the silk of her top and the rasp of my lips to stroke over the tips. Her soft cry encourages me. With one quick flick of my finger I snap the fabric of her straps and tug the material down, baring her pretty breasts to my hungry gaze. Lowering my head, I resume my attentions, taking care to keep my touch as light as possible, my teeth behind my lips.

"Curvilinear," I tease.

She arches with a moan, and sighs with a half giggle. "New."

"Beguiling."

Another moan as my tongue rubs over her nipple, again and again. "New," she's beginning to pant and her legs shift restlessly beside mine.

"Decadent."

"Oh," she cries her hands tangling in my hair.

I'm not sure if she likes the word, my touch, or both. I am too overcome to think of any others. I force myself to leave her breasts and move down over her stomach. Twisting slightly, I rise and wrap my hands around her waist spinning her body around until she's crosswise on the bed. I press her thighs open and move between them, cautioning myself to be careful the entire time. I take a moment to breathe, trying to stay in control, but the smell of her makes it almost impossible. Her blood, her skin, her arousal, it all combines until I am on fire with want. She is open to me, and as I listen to her body, to her heart, to her breathing, I know that she is almost ready.

Almost isn't even remotely good enough. I want her need to match my own; I want her soaking wet and screaming my name.

My breathing is unnecessarily ragged. Her hands press against my chest, move around and over my back, her nails digging ineffectually for purchase. The playful mood of our game vanishes, and I'm suddenly struggling for control. So many things I want, need, need and want, now, her, all of her...

"Edward."

My name spilling from her lips in a soft moan anchors me. Her eyes swimming with desire pull me in to the shore, save my drowning control.

"I love you," she whispers.

"As I love you," I tell her, grasping back onto my sanity, filling my vision with the image, the incredible, erotic, image of her splayed out beneath me. Her hair is tousled, her lips are red-plump-kissable, her ivory skin hued with flower petal pink that flushes her skin from her cheeks to the tight, pretty little tips of her rosebud nipples. Erotic, sensual, breathless, wanting. Her skin glistens with a mist of dewy perspiration I long to lick off until the taste of her coats my palate. Her legs are spread wide around me, her thighs against my rib cage, the inner skin there so impossibly soft and hot and lush and creamy. The spice of her sex is all through the air. I want to taste her, feel the cream of her on my tongue and down the back of my throat.

Do I dare?

God yes, I dare.

With hands that once again feel like my own, I cup her hips, lifting gently. Reaching beneath her, I carefully tear the fabric of her top. I brush it away from her body while lowering my head to her stomach. Her scent washes over me, pure female heat, and I can't help but groan as I begin to move lower, dragging my mouth over her bare skin. When I reach the waistband of her silk shorts the desire to tear them open with my teeth is almost overwhelming. Clenching my jaw shut, I slide lower still, letting my lips brush her abdomen, over to her hips, then softly across the tops of her thighs. As I begin to move back up again, this time very intent on my goal, I feel Bella tense.

Cursing myself silently, I realize I've forgotten to listen to her body, and right now, it is screaming at me. I can hear the vibration of her trembling, hear the extreme speed of her heart and her breath, and I realize I've gone too far. Her desires are quickly being eradicated by her nerves.

Sighing her name as gently as possible, I pause and lift my head to look at her face. She is biting her lip, and I can feel the tension coiling beneath me as her body readies itself to jerk away. Ah, so much intimacy after so much denial, no wonder she is afraid. I consider moving away, but the pull of her scent is irresistible.

"We haven't finished our game, love."

A small shiver races over her, and I listen as her heart slows just a tiny amount. The muscles beneath my hands ease, and with a small tremulous sigh she closes her eyes, nodding almost imperceptibly.

Using every ounce of self control I possess, I place my mouth against the damp silk at the apex of her thighs. Her soft cry is filled with intensity and sudden encouragement as I brush my lips up and down with a loud groan.

"Bella, God, so sweet, love."

My words arouse her further and her hands come down to clench in my hair. "That's more than…oh…more than…one…word. Oh God, Edward, what are you doing to me?"

I can't resist her scent; her flavour is all over my lips. I push my mouth harder against her and she convulses. Her release is sudden, unexpected and intense, and I groan my approval, praising her with words both heated and nonsensical.

Somehow I find my mind, or what is left of it, and I draw back just enough to slowly slide the shorts off her body. Her panties are soaked, and I remove those as well, equally as slow, keeping my focus on Bella, only on her, letting her body guide mine.

Her back arches off the bed when I place my mouth against her inner thigh, and I quickly grasp her hips, pressing her gently but firmly down. I have to taste her, really taste her, but I cannot let her move against my mouth. A part of me is screaming that this is too dangerous, but the call of her body is much too powerful to deny, and I'm a slave to what I want. Still, I am intensely careful as I press my mouth back against her flesh.

"Beautiful," I growl against her, not caring anymore about rules as the first undiluted taste of her washes over my tongue. "Wet, hot, perfect," I move my mouth over the slick warm folds of her sex, allowing her and I both slow, soft licks. Her musky sweet scent floods my head with an intensity that overshadows even the call of her blood. Whatever appeal was left disintegrates in this new fascination.

Her breath is coming in sobs now, and she whimpers my name, growing desperate in her need. I brush my lips over her swollen clitoris. Her trembling becomes constant, and I can't take anymore. Rearing back, I tear the pants away from my body ripping them to shreds. I take one last moment to listen to Bella's body, to engulf her in my senses before I move my body over hers.

Knowing that I must find the best grip on my control now, I take the time to caress her body gently, reminding myself with each touch how impossibly delicate she is. I move my hand between her legs, stroking that tiny bundle of nerves at the apex of her beautiful sex, encouraging her with soft words and murmurs.

"Edward, please," she moans.

I kiss her softly, and use my hand to guide my entrance. She is very wet and her excitement has her already arching against me, trying to take me deeper.

"Slow, love," I groan in caution. "Be still, Bella. Love, please be still...you're so tight…" I keep my eyes on her face and try desperately to listen, terrified of hurting her, but the feel of her body is draining my will. I want her so much, need her so badly… I press forward, fascinated by the way her body opens to mine, my fear of hurting her keeping my thrust incredibly slow and measured.

Bella tenses and the air in her lungs escapes in a sharp cry. I cling to the pain I see in her eyes, using it to buffer my lagging control. "I'm sorry, love, so sorry." Groaning, praying I can stop if she needs me to, I start to pull away, but her legs tighten around me.

"No, don't stop, I'm alright, just…hold me okay, just hold…me."

Gently I kiss her, sliding my hand under her back drawing her up against me. "Bella, baby please. I don't want to hurt you."

She shakes her head, her arms tightening around my back. I can feel her willing her body to relax by slow degrees until her breathing once again becomes even. Opening her eyes slowly, she gazes into mine and smiles a soft secret smile. "Touch me, Edward, touch me like you did in the water."

My head is swimming in her scent, in the tight hot clutch of her body and now in her words. It's almost too much, and yet not enough all at the same time. I kiss her, taking my time, taking ridiculous chances as her tongue slips out to caress my lip and I suck very lightly on the tip of it. Her soft moan of pleasure at my actions arouses me further, and I know I can't leave her now. I begin to use the hand that doesn't support my weight to caress every inch of her flesh and when I move it between our bodies and softly stroke it over her clitoris, she once again begins to move.

"More, Edward, you're not hurting me. Please." Her voice breaks on her last plea. I pull back and then push all the way inside of her again. Locking my muscles into place, I force my limbs to freeze. I am overwhelmed by sensation and emotion. Over a century of life and nothing compares to this. _Oh Dear God please don't let me hurt her, I can't hurt her._ My strength is now my greatest enemy, and I fight the need, the ache, the screaming desire, to move.

Bella is having none of it. Her hips begin to rock against mine, and her nails scrape against the skin on my back. Her own back arches off the bed as she groans my name in frustration.

I begin to move slowly, trying to give her what she needs without losing my mind, and suddenly everything comes together. Our bodies fit, the connection intense and effortless, each movement perfect. Her heat and wetness surround me, easing us both as I fill her again and again. I no longer need to try to listen. Her every sighing breath, every beat of her heart seems to meld together, perfectly synchronized with the rocking of our movements. Restraint is hard, but not impossible.

I can feel the static like charge that ripples over her skin, feel it stronger within her body surrounding me as I move. My own release is barrelling down upon me, and I groan her name, moving just a bit faster. She shudders hard against me as my fingers move faster over the slick center of her need. She feels so good, so impossibly perfect. Internal muscles clench down around me, tightening, my pleasure heightened by every pulse.

"Edward, oh yes…I'm…"

Once twice and then again, I stroke her as she rocks harder against me.

"Let go, Bella," I growl softly, needful. I want so much to feel her orgasm around me, to know that I've satisfied her, to feel her climax from the inside out, clutching me, milking me... "Come for me…"

Her orgasm consumes her and drains whatever will I had left. With a groan I manage, just barely, to hold on long enough for her to finish before everything within me explodes. I dig my hands into the bedding no longer trusting them anywhere near her fragile flesh, growling her name one last time. My entire body shatters in bliss.

When the scorched remnant of my mind returns, I immediately say Bella's name. She stretches cat-like beneath me and smiles before opening her eyes.

"Are you okay, love, did I hurt you?" She certainly doesn't look hurt, but I am missing entire seconds from my memory. The sheet next to her looks like an animal has been at it, and I've apparently bitten a pillow or two as feathers are spilled out over the bed, but she looks fine. Better than fine. She looks sated and drowsy and unbelievably sexy. She shakes her head in answer, still smiling as I carefully pull away.

Moving to hold her, I'm surprised when she instantly wraps her arms around my neck and throws her thigh over mine. Dragging her body against mine, she kisses me passionately with a small moan of delight. Her hands slip down over my stomach and then lower. I barely manage to get a grip on her fingers, stopping her just short of her goal.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I just wanted to touch you. Is it too much?"

I laugh and she blushes. Gently I unfold her fingers from my own and take her hand, placing it low on my stomach. With seeming nonchalance I fold my hands beneath my head and watch her closely. "Everything I have is yours now, Bella. Money, cars, houses, my heart, my life…my body."

She laughs softly and places her mouth on my chest. "I'll take the heart and the body."

"I'm afraid it's a package deal, love."

She sighs, and her kisses are so warm, so moist, that I am instantly hard again. Her hand slips lower and then lower still, until her fingers graze the tip of me. It's all I can do to be still, to not flip her back over and take her again and again. I can't even think of a single thing aside from being inside of her that can compare with the feel of her touching me.

"God, Bella." I feel her smile grow against my skin as she places a soft kiss over my nipple. Her tongue scalds me in perfect heat as she traces flesh I had no idea could be so sensitive. I want to allow her exploration, but my control is already hanging by a thread. She snaps that thread by wrapping her small, hot hand around my erection. I arch beneath her with a low hissing growl and she lifts her head, her eyes dangerous.

"You feel like…cool marble," she whispers, and I force my body back down on the bed lost in her expression.

"Is it too soon?" She whispers her eyes searching mine as her hand begins to move.

Gasping, I reach down and stop her movements, my fingers wrapping around hers. She turns her head to look down at our entwined fingers, surprising me with a pure soft moan of arousal at the sight.

"Too soon for what, love?" I manage, swallowing mouthfuls of venom that have nothing to do with thirst.

"To do it again?"

I can't help but laugh, delighted beyond belief with this sensual creature I've had the good sense to take as my own. Rolling her on her back, I press my hand between her thighs. She's slick from our previous lovemaking and rapidly becoming more so as her desire escalates once again. Tentatively, I slip one finger inside her body, watching her expression, listening to her body for signs of pain. She shudders softly and moans my name.

She's still very swollen, and as I rub my thumb over her clitoris she arches hard against my hand, her breath coming very quickly. I add a second finger, curling them upwards, searching for tenderness and finding none, only a new more sensitive spot that makes her moan harder. The soft shimmers of electricity are racing over her again and I watch and feel, growling her name in pleasure. So responsive, so perfect, so mine.

She seems startled by her body's rapid ascent, and she fights it, gasping my name.

"Edward, stop, I can't…wait…it's too soon, I want you…oh…now…oh God."

"Not yet, Bella, this first, love," I groan heatedly entranced by her, needing to experience her pleasure like I once thought I needed her blood.

"Too soon, oh…what are you doing?"

I can't help but chuckle softly, darkly. She is nearly incoherent with need. I quicken the pace of my touch, faster and faster, beyond what any mortal man could accomplish, my thumb circling her pretty little clit, two fingers deep inside, curling and stroking hot flesh that moulds to my touch.

"It's not too soon, love. Your body knows what it wants, what it needs, let go, Bella." Faster and she arches off the bed. "Now!" I growl against her mouth, not in demand but encouragement as I sense the signals that tell me she is on the precipice. She begins coming with a small scream that I swallow greedily. Her pleasure excites me, burns within me, so arousing to see her this way, feel her this way. I'm greedy for it, starved for it."Again, come for me, Bella." Her first orgasm spills into another, and then another, until spent she subsides against me, trembling.

"Make love to me, please, Edward," she moans, nearly breathless, pressing her mouth to mine, her warm hands reaching once again to caress me. I move over her, into her, and she lifts her hips taking me home again and again.

"Will it always be this way," she whispers as her body melts over me, around me. "This need, this fire; will it ever stop?"

She's almost there again and I cup her bottom, lifting her higher, filling her deeper. As the waves of release begin to surround us both, I tell her the truth.

"Never, love; this will never end for us…"

. . . . . .

* * *

><p><em>Ah, but it does end for us. Sadly, this is...<em>

_The End._

_Thank you for reading._

_Aleea_


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